Attendant: Welcome aboard Ala Carte Air, sir. May I see your ticket?

Passenger: Sure.

Attendant: You're in seat 12B. That will be $5, please!

Passenger: What for?

Attendant: For telling you where to sit.

Passenger: But I already knew where to sit.

Attendant: Nevertheless, we are now charging a seat locator fee of $5.

It's the airline's new policy.

Passenger: That's the craziest thing I ever heard. I won't pay it.

Attendant: Sir, do you want a seat on this flight, or not?

Passenger: Yes, yes. All right, I'll pay. But the airline is going to

hear about this.

Attendant: Thank you. My goodness, your carry-on bag looks heavy.

Would you like me to stow it in the overhead compartment for you?

Passenger: That would be swell, thanks.

Attendant: No problem. Up we go, and done! That will be $10, please.

Passenger: What?

Attendant: The airline now charges a $10 carry-on assistance fee.

Passenger: This is extortion. I won't stand for it.

Attendant: Actually, you're right, you can't stand. You need to sit,

and fasten your seat belt. We're about to push back from the gate.

But, first I need that $10.

Passenger: No way!

Attendant: Sir, if you don't comply, I will be forced to call the air

marshal. And you really don't want me to do that.

Passenger: Why not? Is he going to shoot me?

Attendant: No, but there's a $50 air-marshal hailing fee.

Passenger: Oh, all right, here, take the $10. I can't believe this.

Attendant: Thank you for your cooperation, sir. Is there anything else

I can do for you?

Passenger: Yes. It's stuffy in here, and my overhead fan doesn't seem

to work. Can you fix it?

Attendant: Your overhead fan is not broken, sir. Just insert two

quarters into the overhead coin slot for the first five minutes.

Passenger: The airline is charging me for cabin air?

Attendant: Of course not, sir. Stagnant cabin air is provided free of

charge. It's the circulating air that costs 50 cents.

Passenger: I don't have any quarters. Can you make change for a dollar?

Attendant: Certainly, sir! Here you go!

Passenger: But you've given me only three quarters for my dollar.

Attendant: Yes, there's a change making fee of 25 cents.

Passenger: For cryin' out loud. All I have left is a lousy qua

lol

not so far fetched since Ryanair are talking about charging for use of toilets on flights!!!

Yes I heard that too, hey but where would we be without low cost airlines???

I travel Air Asia all the time

I think Ryan is dying for us to do our business on the floor. No problem....I'm not shy.

Maybe diapers for everyone

Hey Chuck

you surely have no children: diapers are much more expensive

But I think you are right, the only reason that Ryan Air wont do it, is because it would be very smelly flights

Geee I feel your pain sir..last month Jul 5 I wrote a journal about baggage fees. I got a lot of flack from TFer's that I was wining a bit. ok yes maybe a bit..but - If these airlines aren't making money it would be good business sense to just raise the ticket price for suitable profit. instead of just side show nickel and diming. thx for sharing your experience

Sorry but I worked 25 years for the airlines and I more agree with the airlines than with the winers.

As the customers want the prices to go DOWN, the airlines need creative ways to create new income.

More strict rules for luggage allowance is one way, as every kilo/pound of extra luggage uses more fuel.

Perhaps soon they will charge more for heavy customers than for light weight...

Oh they already do, because most heavy passengers are flying business or first class 55555

no need to apologize geee... the idea of charging for the weight of a person makes perfectly good business sense I agree. but im sure legality matters would get in the way.I get it and understand from a business stand point it's staying alive but from a consumers point of view they see it as nickel and dimming. I think carriers would get less flack from consumers if they just charge them the price for the ticket and be done with it. everytime a carrier says I will charge you for this the consumer sees it as I will slap you with this charge I will slap you with another charge etc. its almost like going to a restaurant and you ask for a regular burger and fries and the person asks you would you like to supersize that sir. you clearly just wanted a burger and regular fries. am I wining a little... well yes just a bit...