I am sure this has been seen before...maybe even on TF...but I still think it's a good laugh...or maybe not...hehe! 

Subject:                               Time:6:52 AM

OFFICE MEMO          Communication                        Date:4/24/96

To My Dear Wife,

During the past year, I have tried to make love to you 365 times.

I have succeeded 12 times. The following list is why I didn't succeed often.

1. The sheets are clean. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .54 times

2. It is too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .17 times

3. Too tired from shopping all day. . . . . . . . . . 49 times

4. It is too early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 20 times

5. It is too hot. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

6. Pretending to be asleep. . . . . . . . . . . . . . 15 times

7. The neighbors will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . .3 times

8. Headache. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .22 itmes

9. Sunburn. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .  7 times

10. Your Mother will hear us. . . . . . . . . . . . . .9 times

11. Not in the mood. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 43 times

12. You will wake the baby. . . . . . . . . . .. . . . 17 times

13. Watching the late show. . . . . . . . . .. . . . . 6 times

14. New Hairdo. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .5 times

15. Too sore. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .16 times

16. Wrong time of month. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times

17. Have to get up early. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 19 times

Of the 12 times I did succeed, the activity was not satisfactory

because 2 times you just laid there, 4 times you reminded me that

there was a crack in the ceiling, 3 times you told me to hurry up and

get it over with, 2 times I had to  wake you up to tell you that I had

finished, and once I was afraid I had hurt you because I felt you move.

************************************************************************

To My Dear Husband,

I think that you have gotten things a little confused.

Here are the real reasons you did not get it more often than you did.

1. Came home drunk and tried to screw the cat. . . . . . 15 times

2. Did not come home at all. . . . . . . . . . . . . . .36 times

3. Did not come. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .21 times

4. Came too soon. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 33 times

5. Went soft before you got it in. . . . . . . . . . . .33 times

6. Toes cramped. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .10 times

7. Working too late. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . .38 times

8. Have to get up early to play golf. . . . . . . . . . 29 times

9. Had a fight and someone kicked you in the balls. . . 2 times

10. Caught Herman in your zipper. . . . . . . . . . . . .4 times

11. Caught a cold and your nose kept running. . . . . . .3 times

12. Burned your tongue on hot coffee. . . . . . . . . . .3 times

13. You had a splinter in your finger. . . . . . . . . . 2 times

14. Came in your PJ's while reading a dirty book. . . . .16 times

15. Watching football on TV. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 98 times

16. Hemorrhoids flared up. . . . . . . . . . . . . . . . 10 times

Of the times we did get together, the reason I laid still was

because you were doing the sheets. I wasn't talking about the crack

in the ceiling. What I said was, would you prefer me on my back or

kneeling. 

The time you felt me move was because you f*rted and I was trying to 

breathe!!  Anyone relate to this...hehe...!

lol,good one

guttes2 - glad you liked it.

pinacola - well I hope it helped to improve the day in a very small way.

Could be a reason to stay single and except all reasons,lol

BJ - yep you are right mate...so why do we keep on getting involved...small head thinking...haha!