I have been living at new place and new environment for almost three weeks, my life has changed abit in the way that I’m not being alone like I used to be. I’ve learnt to share and understand more individual life style and what he/she use to be it is something that I cannot change over night. I was abit shocked in the first week over my husband back home quite late and abit drunk and first night I was turning on tv to see if any accident news somewhere coz I was worried but once I see him back home safely with his excuses I’m glad and disappointed at the same time. This happened almost a whole week that I’ve been wondering that is this going to work for us. I’ve been thinking before I being here, and this is the way it is and I asked myself if I need to change someone but the answer is no, I’d like to change a couple thing but not in over night coz if it too quick is tantamount I’m forced him and it would hurt his pride psychologically and mentally. Last week, I said something over his home late and nagging him over his behavior, he then tell me that this is a silly season here coz we’ve been work hard for a whole year and someone also tell me the same, so I think it’s ok if he late home these days , in fact, I like it when he late coz I can have my private time alone, so a few days ago when he back late with smell of alcohol and as usual he say oh sorry darling bla bla….. At first I thought I would not say a word but remembered I’ve to act as if I’m not satified coz if I’m not he would take for granted and go home anytime he wants everyday. Mostly when he’s home he always hungry, no matter how late it is, so I brought him bacon, saucesauge and mushroom so that he can cook himself dinner coz we eat different kind of food and I’ve ate . While he’s cooking, I was telling that somehow I’m glad that you home late bcoz I don’t have to go out with you most of time and we can have our privacy. He then stop cooking and gave me a hug, and now he’s home early and even surprised me, yesterday coz he is home about 6 pm… J

I don’t really want to change my husband….. but there is a couple thing that I wish I could change him. it is a quantity of drinking and smoking. I just wanted him to cut down quantity ….which I have been telling him once in a while that I’m not going to change you completely but I just want you to cut down smoking and drinking it’s for your own good. Then he says I know, I know……..(at least we’re talking…hehe)

My husband has a big circle of friends and I like when they’re dancing while they drunk cause the little boys inside adult bodies out, enjoy and have fun, freely and unlimitedly….. That is good…..

A friend told me that I should have female friends here coz female has same emotional, sensitive and more understand better than male in some circumstances, but I’m not really want to make friend at this moment becoz I don’t get their accent, especially when they speak fast and they use their slang which is hard to catch coz it’s new to me. My husband confuse me sometime e.g. I wanted to take a sicky day, at first I thought he meant siggy as smoking day but it mean sick leave and when he said I want to take mdo , which mean Maori day off. So what I can do is spend my time alone watching domestic tv but mostly on tv they adopted some programs from usa and uk, and about 30% is kiwi program this is included news. A couple days ago while I was reading a book about Maori history which my husband suggested, there was a friend of my husband knocked a door and open it. I jumped and was embarrassed coz I’m not ready to meet ppl, she say hi soda, nice to meet you again, I was not recognized a lady but I greeting her as hi, nice to meet you too. She then said “you’re look good†and I say “ you’re look good too†then I saw her eyes say you’re rude and have no sincerity. I know I didn’t meant to say you look good coz the way she looks it’s quite opposite if I can tell the truth but I saw a sitcom the other days “everybody love Raymond†that when Raymond’s wife gone mad or hurt, he keep telling his wife of how slim she is. And that I tried to do the same thing to make her feel good but I make her worse because I didn’t meant it. I realized who she is after talk to her a few minutes but it’s too late. Anyway, I was thinking that before I made some friends here, I’d probably make half of my husband’s friends hate me coz my insincere greeting. I’m not a social animal, especially I’m new here but I‘d try… I think Irish and Scottish are difficult to me but now those two seemed easier compare to Kiwi but I know there are some difficult than Kiwi, that is English in some area in England….I saw that on tv and for a whole sentence I don’t really know what they talking about but it’s similar to Susan Boyd accent….

I’m quite happy, I don’t know maybe everything is so new to me………but hopefully things would be like this or even if it’s not…….I still the same happy person…….I’m going to meet my husband families on this coming chrismas eve I hope I’m doing good coz I don’t want to be rude I’m trying to learn their cultural….hehe….and hope I’m not embarrass my husband though…..\ now I’m going to the mall to buy some food……

Good day

take it easy my dear kiwi's are really friendly people (I'm an aussie) if they are talking to fast ask them to slow down explain to them that english is not your first language moving to a new country would be hard for anyone give yourself time to get used to it !!!!!

Go to a "Hangi" talk about the recent World Cup win and say you don't like Aussie's and you will fit in well!!!!!!!

One way to make a lot of friends in NZ is to ask everyone you meet, "So do you have kangaroos?" They'll love it :-)

Seriously, don't do that! Kiwi's don't have any sense of humor when you confuse them with Aussie's.

Dave40: my husband said Aussie and Kiwi are brothers but they can become fierce compettion over sport...lol...

Bill: I think I've tried already some questions i asked them are similar to your advise as aboved...and i can see their reaction to my questions pretty critical....lol....

One mistake i had made is when i tried to compliment a 20 yr girl, a closed friend of my husband by saying" you have a face like a doll" and probably my pronanciation she burst in shocked" oh my god you think i have a dog face, that is not a compliment, is it" since then i tell myself that "that's it, i'm not going to make any friend or talk to any one now, at least not this moment" and that's how and why i try to stay away from social these days..... LOL.... anyway, i'd try as you guys recommend, see if any different result...Thanks

most people you meet for a second or third time should realize you that being new to NZ you are meeting many strangers... if you cannot recall someone...just say "sorry When did me meet? I meet so many people I get a little confused...." they should be happy to remind you and asking for help should make them and you feel good, because a new friend needs help fitting in... good luck and stay upbeat!

It is good to be very concerned about your husband's excessive drinking, and especially the smoking. The drinking can be suggested to just cut down, but you should get across to him that smoking will kill him quicker than you want, and will not allow you to happily grow old together.

Smoking tobacco is one of the most addictive substances known, as the cigarette companies spent much research to get it as addictive as possible, and it does kill, in very horible ways, that you have to get across to your husband that he has to think about you, and not put you through that horror later in your life together.

Get across to him you want to grow old together, not as his nurse because he is dying from cancer, or the other deadly deseases associated with smoking.

It is also one of the hardest addictions to end, so if he does choose to quit, you have to help him all you can, but get it across to him that you do want to grow old with him healthy, not caughing his lungs out from emphysima, or with liver desease from alcohol poisoning.

A start is to make him smoke outside because you do not want the home always smelling of smoke. The oil from the smoke really does coat everything in the home, from the curtains to the dishes, and second hand smoke will affect your health over time. Make it clear to him to start smoking outside, because it is your home to now. It is no longer just a house, it is your home together, and you want it nice. Get a little water spray bottle, or a squirt gun, and use it, to get it across to him you mean it about smoking outside. Then slowly work on getting him to want to quit completely.

Even if you think you're being annoying, tell him how you worry about his drinking. If no one is letting him know about it, he won't have any real voices urging him to get better.

The smoking addiction is very tough. It makes everything stink, and the second hand smoke is bad for you as well. Try putting the filters up your butt and then putting them back in the pack. Maybe he won't like the taste as much and quit. -Dr. Rob.

most people you meet for a second or third time should realize you that being new to NZ you are meeting many strangers... if you cannot recall someone...just say "sorry When did me meet? I meet so many people I get a little confused...." they should be happy to remind you and asking for help should make them and you feel good, because a new friend needs help fitting in... good luck and stay upbeat!

Thanks for advice, Dan: I met this lady on March 2010 which is over a year ago and now she's changed completely, no trace of her old look, my husband told me she has a rough year. and that even make me more guilty...hehe...

It is good to be very concerned about your husband's excessive drinking' date=' and especially the smoking. The drinking can be suggested to just cut down, but you should get across to him that smoking will kill him quicker than you want, and will not allow you to happily grow old together.

Smoking tobacco is one of the most addictive substances known, as the cigarette companies spent much research to get it as addictive as possible, and it does kill, in very horible ways, that you have to get across to your husband that he has to think about you, and not put you through that horror later in your life together.

Get across to him you want to grow old together, not as his nurse because he is dying from cancer, or the other deadly deseases associated with smoking.

It is also one of the hardest addictions to end, so if he does choose to quit, you have to help him all you can, but get it across to him that you do want to grow old with him healthy, not caughing his lungs out from emphysima, or with liver desease from alcohol poisoning.[/quote']

Steve, Thanks you heap for you advice, I have been thinking for sometime to help my husband but I dare not to say much and now I think i have strength......

A start is to make him smoke outside because you do not want the home always smelling of smoke. The oil from the smoke really does coat everything in the home, from the curtains to the dishes, and second hand smoke will affect your health over time. Make it clear to him to start smoking outside, because it is your home to now. It is no longer just a house, it is your home together, and you want it nice. Get a little water spray bottle, or a squirt gun, and use it, to get it across to him you mean it about smoking outside. Then slowly work on getting him to want to quit completely.

he does smoke outside but sometimes its smoke go into our house by wind. I always remind him that......... I think I should be more decisive...... thanks again.

Even if you think you're being annoying' date=' tell him how you worry about his drinking. If no one is letting him know about it, he won't have any real voices urging him to get better.

The smoking addiction is very tough. It makes everything stink, and the second hand smoke is bad for you as well. Try putting the filters up your butt and then putting them back in the pack. Maybe he won't like the taste as much and quit. -Dr. Rob.[/quote']

I will do as Dr. Rob advise for sure, first for my safety and second for him. Thanks...