Talking about my weak point, I can't hide my insecurity, so when I fight with my husband my look still show and when I'm asked by some of workmates i can't lie. And this lead to gossip.... everyone knows gossip is spread like fire. Start from one place and to anothers. Gossip is negative and when it is too much, negative could turn to opposite side. I don't hate a person who gossip and I think she doesn't a bad person but just sort of her personality as some woman like to talk and at least I should be aware what going on arround me. during Ronan period I'm being watched every move I made and think if you were me on a break you have over ten pair of eyes staring at you. When Ronan is getting marry I think my affair is over and no more someone would keep an eye on me. But seemed like a new whispering is about to begin when there was a guy talked to me one day which is not long (probably two weeks ago) So you don't have to believe what I said in this case coz it could be my one sided imagination. I don't even dare to share this with my close mate coz if it is not clear she would say I think too much and she's probably right. I've seen him after talked one day. I smile to him and he smile in return, in a sudden I noticed that his blue eyes turn dark and expand its perimeter which I'm blush in responded. After that when I see him I'm just feel good with no reason and no explaination. Who is he? why he never exist before? As I talked to him that day only 10 mins and it was just general chat, nothing special. As far as I know he's been working here 6 months before I joined. Before that he worked in London for 5 yrs,he probably a few years younger than me. I remember I asked him if he planed to move or work in other country. he said no, he will work here for good or something like that. Oh he asked me what bring me to this country and I told him i'm married a kiwi guy.

He is such a fine, gentle man, his face is calm, gentle & kind, which my mates said he looks like a real gentleman, this manner is typical for most kiwi guys I've seen. Every time he walks pass or into our work place I feel good, I don't know why but at least I can say his face make me feel good. I see him before but somehow I think he probably has his own family or partner and further more he works in management level and I'm as a labour. Even tho ppl in this country are no class but it is improper coz we work together, means i see him everyday but I wonder why he never exist in my head before... once this incident occured I tried to trace back when..... I traced back on 21-12-12 the compay party which I wore black dress and felt most sexy... coz after party I & my mates drove to Manukua city's Mall, she wanted to buy gift card and my husband would pick me up from there. At a parking mall while I got off her car, I heard someone whistle and I turn to look. it was a young boy, I notice above his upper lip is a light dark line it was his beard is about to grow lol he sits in a front seat and next to him was his bro (8 or 10yrs old) I covered my back hands so that he couldn't see my blood veins coz I don't want to dissapoint him that I could be his mother lol... He was there until my mate get off her car, then he starts his car and reverse away. And while we were walking up ladders to the mall I noticed someone stare at me from top ladder levels, once we walk passed him he didn't move but stare. When I was two ladder up levels from him he was still standing there so I turned to look at him to show him that I know you've been staring at me for sometime but the look he gave me back was I wanted to @#$% you. Instantly I'm insecure coz I experienced this in Thailand few times and thought it would never happen here.... Anyway, it was not on party day...., so I traced back before that and i remember he sat on a round table which his face turn toward me and when I turn to watch tv my eyes meet him first then tv, so our eyes met twice on that day (maybe this is the first signal that I unawared of). I wonder if that incident was his intention or just coincident ( talking as if i were single lol).... Anyway, I don't think he would offer me like Ronan did or did/said such thing to me coz of our work..... he comes to check this and that in our place everynow and then and somehow I feel like he knows that I feel good when I see his face that why he comes so often these days lol I'm just over flattered myself so no need to believe me coz it is too fresh. I don't know whether he has a partner but prefer not to ask coz it would make him think I like him which he probably would... Anyway, as long as I still alive I can't avoid being gossip and I take that a gossiper plays a part of this incident if it true. However, it is far beyond true but sometimes while I enjoy doing my house work, his gorgeous face is floating in my head make me want to scream out loud like Mr. James Arthur when he sings "Impossible, Impossible, Impossible, Impossible". I recalled on a day we chat he's kind of ask me if my husband or my marriage is good which I said good. I assumed he over heard something about me...

Who would think a prince charming would give such a look to a lame woman like me, a woman who has insecure or loser look lol. I have no answer for this...maybe my lame desease is too strong. I wonder why when I was single where these gentlemen went and why they are just showing up now. My close work mate told me that if I don't want to hear more gossip I should stop talking to some guys at work and I do.... I don't think it would help much.When I first got a job I traveled home by bus and there was a kiwi guy asked me "will you marry me?' at a bus stop which I thought It was how ppl greeting each other here but i'm told later that that guy is not normal hahaha. I paid a bus fare for an elderly lady who can't afford it when I heard the bus driver kick her off a bus and once that old lady got off a bus (which is same bus stop as I) I ran after her and handed her $ 5 just incase she need to take another bus but she seemed shy and asked me while she's taking money "are you sure?" and when our eyes met I sensed how lonely and insecure she was. She might think i'm a poor and miserable asian soul coz I've accident from work that day but I think she is more poor and miserable than me. I assumed that to take money from someone in this country is not common especially from stranger. I met her again later then I learned she has no relatives, no kids and been living for a whole life, which is sad, isn't it?. I was asked by drug addict a couple time for money but they didn't do any harm to me. Which I think there are all kind of ppl everywhere....

I think of the lame association we met during New Year trip I learned something has been changed eg. Mr. Ostrich who has been single for most of time when I was in Thailand now having himself a gf and look like he proud to present his gf too. And his friend Mr. Turkey also get himself a gf. We met at Mr. Grizzly 's place. And the most surprising and wonderful news is Mr. Grizzly married to Ms. Angel, they are going to celebrate on 23-2-13 on the beach somewhere (my goodness I wish we could join them but too bad we can't) Let talk about Mr. Ostrich and Mr. Turkey's gfs. They are young, new generation, smart and the way they blend in social and make conversation is impressive. Further more they're kind of humble and made me feel comfy to chat with, which I like them. At the end of party I learned they have their own cars oh wow hahaha Mr. Turkey & his gf offered us a ride back to our hotel, we really appreciated their kindness. My assumption about male in term of choosing partner is you must be a self suffient (aka not in need financially) and instead being a taker, you should be a giver, maybe 50/50 or 40/60 giver in oneway or another if he/she can accepted. The most noticable about these two males is they are fresh, happy, clean and younger look, which mean you found the one. At some point, I understand Mr. Ostrich when he said long time ago "I wouldn't date or sex with any girl on tf coz if you ended in bed with someone you will be on a hot topic, starting from your genital size" up to your bed role". For Mr. Grizzly I was missing him alot during November last year, while I was reattaching a button to my husband's work pants. I thought of the way he did that to me after I fought with a young boy who wanted to sex me caused my button's pant slipped off. I do it because I love my husband and the way Mr. Grizzly did to me it must mean something and in a sudden I'm sad coz I supposed to be nice to him but I didn't. I thought how shallow I was but I'm glad and appreciated we are still good friend. Sometimes I want to know how he is but dare not to email him I don't know why. And to see him married someone that matched to his description I couldn't help to be happy for both of them. I like Ms. Angel, she's smart, successful, grounded, kind and young lady. she is a Manager in her late twenties which is rare for such young age. To see ppl I know happy it always make me happy.

Good day..

I want to correct my writing as above from " improper" to inappropriate.

Soda...I've missed these blogs. You are so honest, interesting, and entertaining.

3 thumbs up!

(and don't ask about the third thumb please)

(and don't ask about the third thumb please)

I know you borrowed the third thumb from Jazz