jdudley Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 A police officer is parked outside a bar one night when he sees a drunk man stumble out the door. The man staggers through the parking lot and falls down. He tries his keys in five different cars before getting in and driving off. The cop immediately pulls him over and makes the man take a breathalyser test. The man blows a 0.0. "This thing must be broken," the cop says. The man responds, "nope, tonight I'm the designated decoy!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
digitalcat Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 Translated From Russian: A police officer stops a car. The man appears to be drunk so he gives him the breathalyzer test. The man blows a 2.9 The driver says "no, no I'm not drunk, your device is broken, give it to my wife!". The woman blows a 3.1 The cop says "So what? She's even more drunk than you." The driver says "then try the test on my infant in the backseat". The 5 month old blows a 4.9 The cop says "You are right, the device must be broken, sorry" When the cops drives away the man says to the woman "And you said don't give any (alcohol) to the baby!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 A policeman pulls over a couple in a car for speeding. He asks for the driver's license and the guy says, "Get my f#cking license, you stupid *****." The policeman asks for the registration document. Again the guy speaks, "You dumb slag, where's the f#cking registration document?" The policeman says to the wife, "Does your husband always talk to you like this, Maam?" "Oh no officer," she answers sweetly "... only when he's REALLY drunk." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 If they don't want you drinking and driving . . . why do they always ask to see your licence when you buy it??? :roll: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
bigcatbus Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 This is also translated from Russian (I try to make it close to original) Cop stops car, which is run over 250 km/h - "You! Your license!!!" - "Sorry, I don't have one. Sorry, so much pain from all this vodka and gin...I drink too much, oh, headache..." - "What! Get out of the car, what do you have inside??? Open doors right now!" - "A couple of grenade launchers... Sir, please do not open baggage compartment - I must safely deliver this heroine inside...." Cop draw gun, force man to lay down on the road, call emergency operative forces. When armed forces arrive, they check car, and do not find anything! They become rude and ask cop "Why you call us???? No problem here!!!" Man (still lies on the road) - "Do not listen him... he says also, I was drive drunk, at 250 km/h and without license..." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Tookkae Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 àÃÒáÅéǢѺ ËÅѺäÃèµ×è¹ ¾×é¹äÃèÃÕ ˹ÕéäÃè¾é¹ á¹è æ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdudley Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 An Irish priest is driving down to New York and gets stopped for speeding in Connecticut. The state trooper smells alcohol on the priest's breath and then sees an empty wine bottle on the floor of the car. He says, "Sir, have you been drinking?" "Just water," says the priest. The trooper says, "Then why do I smell wine?" The priest looks at the bottle and says, "Good Lord! He's done it again!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 An Irish priest and a Rabbi have a minor car crash in a little country lane... Although both are shaken, neither is seriously hurt. The priest says, "Surely this is a sign from God. Two men of the cloth brought together in these dangerous circumstances and yet both of us are unharmed." The Rabbi agrees, "Yes, surely we were both protected by His mercy." The priest takes a bottle of communion wine from his car and asks the rabbi, "Will you join me in praising His name with some holy wine?" The rabbi takes the bottle and drinks deeply. He hands the bottle back to the priest who replaces the cap and puts the bottle back in the car. Puzzled, the rabbi asks, "Aren't you going to praise His name with the holy wine too?" "No, not yet." says the priest, "I think I'll wait until after the police have left." Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
jdudley Posted October 8, 2008 Author Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 I know drink driving is wrong, but sometimes I've just got to do it. How else will the kids get to school? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stu_thailand Posted October 8, 2008 Report Share Posted October 8, 2008 True story - happened in my home town of Norwich, UK, many years ago. A guy left the pub in his car, a little bit worse for wear. He was driving through town, NOT fast, taking it easy, but somehow lost control, and drover straight through a plate glass window into Marks and Spencers LOL The Police arrived, and the first question they asked was, "Have you been drinking this evening Sir?" Knowing he HAD been drinking and was screwed anyway, he replied, "Well I wouldn't be ******* sitting here if I was sober, WOULD I"!?!?!?!? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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