It's always difficult to get involved and comment...She's gotta make her own decision and go with her heart

I think I'd take the first guy and travel abroad with the clear understanding that it is a trial, and that if she can't adapy or accept then she will return to Thailand. The fiancee visa is actually a bit flexible and can be extended.

Wow, a woman stringing two guys along cos she wants to see who can offer 'her' the best future. She doesn't want to marry him, well don't marry him. I don't wanna get married so i'm not going to. Although i do wanna study in another country for a brighter future. Maybe i should marry. No don't marry cos you don't want to. Of course it won't work.

If you like a guy, be with him, if you don't, move on. It's not fair stringing two guys along because you're thinking of yourself and 'your' future without any consideration of theirs. Plus long distance relationships harldy ever work. People cheat because they're lonely. Love the one you're with.

What a fortunate lady she is.

First, she got to understand that if a guy supports a girl financially, he will control her even more than her own father. No free lunch. That is the reason why he choose to support her. He wants to be a commander. And you don't even think that his habit will change. It will grow much stronger when he knows that your friend will be dependent on him completely in his country.

So when she goes abroad, beware that she will be under his control completely.Does he also promise to contribute to her family while she is jobless too?There will be more constraints in the relationship regarding money issue.

Well, we can study in Thailand for a bright future too, right?

Always Aiming high. But do not let your ambition make you become a pathetic subordinated girl.

well i tell you from my experience

as i was a very hot girl and was always have to choose for the guys ( really !! )

of course i want to be with a guy i love and he love me ..

and now here is the story ..we are being poor together in zurich but happy !!

ps.. i wonder if the story you wrote its really from ur friend or ur self ?

I think you should write to both the guys and warn them that they will have to support her family and provide for her bright future.

Lucky girl... most girls have a hard time finding one decent guy who wants to make an honest woman out of them.

She is worried about supporting her family and her own financial future.

She needs to know how much each guy is willing to share with her family and how much each guy is worth.

Please find out that information and then I'll help her decide.

She should go with her heart for happiness, and put her cards on the table. The 1st relationship, sounds like the guy has more of a controling relationship, even though it's been over 5 yrs? The 2nd one sounds like a closer relationship, but can this relationship handle her needs as well as for her family? It's her life and whatever will make her happy?

1st guy visits once a year for 2 weeks...WOW must be so serious.......she should of dumped him years ago if this is all the effort he can achieve. Live for today coz the future will change day by day.

If you study hard and work hard you can have a bright future.

there are people in the world who are wealthy and successful. But unhappy

There are people in the world who have little. But are very happy

Dont measure a relationship by what they can offer with money and success, the heart is the only way to measure a relationship.

Sometimes the right choice is the hard one

I reckon anyone of them is fine , I am sure they are better than Minge_features, who is a loner, never have real love and always cheat on his gf. Who never 'offer' anything to his girl and used his own experiences ( in long distance love ) to judge both of your friend's men. LOL

Anyway, tell your friend to follow her heart ( the one she does love and she wants to spend her life with ).....mixed together with her head ( who can take care of her, supports her , protects her and the one she can trust and she wont be left out when things go wrong ). It is not that hard when she makes decision who will be chosen, it will be hard when she goes to live abroad , it's very different from your birth country, I can assure you this.

The person you always think that you know him very well, he might be the person you never know at all.

thanksfor the commment ja

maximmm: Now she is happier with the second guy ( just know a couple months ) ,she wants to commit only one man,that is why she wants to make a decision who is right for her ,but she worries about her future even study where she wants to continue studying ,but in the meantime ,it seems she falls in love with second guy who meets every 1-2 times a month. Both guys offers her things financially; The first one , he offers less money to support her family /month & he completely understand about Thai culture especially dowry , while the second guy can support her family more money ,but he is still new in Thailand ,and he does not know Thai cultures that much even dowry .

MoveToThailand : These two guys can bring her benefits balancingly , but different way .the thing is she is afraid of losing someone 's heart ,and they both are good ,and she wants to study more ,but still unsure if his first bf will not control her as she has already known that he may be like that ,for the second guy ,he is still new for her ,and their love has been growing . From my point of view, I think their first love is sharing with the second guy with the time that they meet and spend time every month.

duanja: the first guy will support her family even she has jobless in his country ,but he will support her family less than she does now in Thailand . I suggested her to study in Thailand ,but she said it's better to get a degree from abraod

somemorefun : It's my friend 's story , my story is fine ;-) Hehe

Thepunisher : Both guy provide her things and give her support ,but it's different way.

Condotown: Both guys are willing to support her ,first guy wants her to live abroad , and get married . After that she can study ,while she's away from Thailand , he will support her family less than she does ,that's what she 's unsure if something goes wrong ,and she has to come back to Thailand , and her family have to lose face .If everything is good ,and she finished her study , she is allowed to support her family by herself only 20% of her saraly even her part time job that she may work during her study ,that means her first guy won't support her after that . For the second guy ,he is requesting to work in Thailand ,and want to spend time with her ,if everything goes smoothly ,they will marry ,but it' s still far for this second guy as she is unsure if he may understand about dowry in Thailand ,but he can support her if one day she wants to take a break or quit her job as equal as her saraly.

Afook06: She told me she loves both , but the first one has known her for 5 yrs while the second one has just known her a couple months , they both commit to her to support her family as well . Please refer to "maximmm & condotown quote aboved"

Thanks for all suggestion , Sincerely in my opinion , the future is important as well as her love who she wants to spend time and marry with .From what I listened her , she doesn't want to hurt someone 's heart , but she has to choose finally ,but she's afraid of making a wrong decision if that doesn't go well as her expectation in the future .She doesn't know what she will say with another one if she has to pick one up . Any more suggestion ?

maximmm: No , not yet ,if she says YES to one of them as she wants to make a decision to say YES ,then that guy will send her parent's money ,her parents never asked any dowry with that guy ,but he offers money to her family about 300000 B ,and after that she has to support her family by herself if she can earn money even working as pt job while studying , this is from her first bf. but she seems to love the second guy more than the first one as her first love is sharing with the second man ,who meets her every month .

Very complicated !

if u r her good friend; don't give too much advices, just be supportive.

let's say if she s succesful with her choice tht u advised, of course, good for u both

but if not, u r involved in the **** :-(

Isn't that called a butterfly?

koolbreez: I dont think she's buterfly ,but it seems two guys come to her life and make her worried ..

Well, the first guy seem to be a good guy but I think she should choose the second one for the following reasons:

1. She is more happy with the second guy.

2. From a materialistic point of view, He will give more money to her family each month.

3. Do not worry about education that much. If you are good enough, you can get a scholarship.

Maybe later she could also ask the second guy to support her study abroad later, i think.

4. Also Take into consideration if she wants to Live abroad...i mean not just studying.

Seem like the first guy does not want to work in Thailand. And if she should stay in USA, i do not know for sure but I have heard it is hard for a foreigner to find a good job too. So she might get only labour kind of job.

I think it is like winning a lotto already to find a guy who wanna and could stay in Thailand. It is a rare creature.

But I do not know if she prefer to live in USA.

Leave her be and let her choose on her own. You know, people can only get silly when they're already in love and too blind to see the truth in their partners and I think, they should get some help. Otherwise, let them be.

duanja: Thanks for your suggestion . The only thing is she can live anywhere she is with her bf who will be the one for her ,even though she thinks she wants to live abraod because she can earn money more than here and send to her family .You are right ! The first guy doesn't want to work here , that s' why he gives that option to her as finacee visa to be with him there ,he will send her to Eng course for 6 months before studying Master . That's a lot of money ,but in the meantime she can work PT job ,but she can send money back to her parents by not having her first bf supports that .It's like he loves her ,but he doesn't want to do things for her the best as he's afraid of taking a risk or protecting himself if something goes wrong . What do you think ?

The second guy tries hard and tries to meet her every 1-2times a month and try to arrange time that they will spend time and travel together . It's still too far for them even though she told me she had already talked about future with him ,but marriage is still too far with the relationship with him only a couple months especially dowry where many foreigners can't understand that .

duanja: She called me today to ask if she may give one Thai Eng book about Thai tradition/culture for the second guy , then he can read and get the picture how Thai culture is . Is it good idea?

Another thing is she said to me , she may tell her first bf that she wants to give herself time a while as she's not ready to marry with anyone as her thinking , but in the meantime , she can know more things about the second guy how he will that be ,that will be 6 months of this second guy ,and she can know and tell her frist bf if she will leave Thailand for him or she will refuse to him .Even though she 's not sure if the first guy can wait till that and he may think that she never trusted him or love him , that's why she just wants to ask one more month . What do you think ?

You can also provide more info for you friend that:

University in the USA has 2 prices for students.

For residents in the state, the tuition fees costs, say, 2,000 USA. (depending on the programme)

But for non-residents, it costs double.

That means if she wants the first guy to sponsor for her Master degree, she gotta marry him in order to be qualified as a resident. I presume here that he dont want to pay a much higher price. That is why he does not want her to come with a student visa because it costs much much more. And the another reason that she 's got to come 6 months ahead before the programme starts is that she will have enough time to marry in the USA and apply to get a resident permit in order to register to the school as a resident in time.

Is she willing to marry a guy to get a master degree and for a presumed better life? It is her choice to take. But as I warn she has to be docile to her first guy like a pet who is fully dependent on the owner. It is her decision to take if she wanna be in the situation like that. He might love her, but the relationship will go on like master and pet.

As I hear about her from you I think she is trapped with social values. To study abroad is good, but it doesnt mean that the school there is better than Thailand. Well Harvard, MIT might be better than thai's but many schools there also do something like: Money comes, Degree goes. They just sell out their programme to a foreign student who wanna have a foreign degree in order to upgrade their social status in their own country.

- As for giving the second guy a book, I think that he knew about the sinsod already but he just do not wanna talk about it now. But why do you want the sinsod? Isn't it enough if he agrees to support her family monthly?

I have the feeling that she will choose the first guy. Do not worry much about her. I think she has a strong will and could go through all difficulties in the future.