by Steve Goodier

You've heard it said: "Love is patient and kind." If love is patient, it may be because love is truly understanding.

Much of our conflict is simply misunderstanding.

As a new bride, one woman moved into the small home on her husband's ranch in the mountains. She put a shoe box on a shelf in her closet and asked her husband never to touch it.

For 50 years he left the box alone, until his life partner was old and dying. One day when he was putting their affairs in order, he found the box again and thought it might hold something important.

Opening it, he discovered two doilies and $82,500 in cash. He took the box to her and asked about the contents.

"My mother gave me that box the day we married," she explained. "She told me to make a doily to help ease my frustrations every time I got mad at you."

Her husband was touched that in 50 years she'd only been upset enough to make two doilies. "What's the $82,500 for?" he asked.

She explained, "Oh, well that's the money I've made selling the doilies."

Marge Piercy beautifully said, "Life is the first gift, love is the second and understanding is the third." But it is love that gives us life and understanding that brings about love.

Making doilies might take your mind off the problem, but it won't change anything. The path from conflict to love is not by way of arts and crafts. It is through the valley of understanding.

------------------------------------

"If love is patient, it may be because love is truly understanding".....so, if i am angry.... does it mean i dont have enough patience or understanding?

.... ammm i dont know....really

I have a problem lately... how to control my anger...

i think i should use this method as well... but change from "doily" to "100 baht"... everytime i storm... maybe i would get more than 500 baht a day... that's good for saving... but couldn't help much since it wont change anything.....

i love myself... but i dont like what i am doing now...

............. thats a BIG problem.

Angry? You AAAum?

So that is what is behind all those smiley photos ;-).

But if you want to send me 100 baht everytime you get angry, it is OK by me. 555

beej.... yes, it is...

ha ha... funky...behind those smile..it would be a pair of fang.... an evil..... i mean....

and if you get angry.... you can send me 200 baht... double price... deal?

: )

join a gym and do some cardio kick boxing. double the benefits by releasing anger and staying fit.

Cheers!

when im angry i spend way too much !!

So AAAum. Are you now saying that there is a fault in the Triple A quality?

funky.... Triple A means excellent.... not perfect na ja... ; )

Anger is a natural emotion, how you react to it can determ the outcome, it's not what you say but how you say it.

I don't remember when I was angry last time. May be it's coz I have no any relationship now:)

Sometimes it is very difficult to see things from anothers point of view, but if you can do, it can lead to a better understandting - and with understanding comes acceptance that leads to the resolution of conflict.

Many times we decide for ourselves not to accept the others point of view, but if that acceptance or otherwise is based purely on your own ideas, and you control that, maybe you can spend a little time to think about it - decide if the problem is really with you or the one with whom you are in conflict. Sometimes a problem seems way bigger than it really is, just because you are staring at it from too close...step back and look again.

Equally of course - this advice, for whatever it's worth, applies to the other person as well - it's always two sided, and both parties have to make the effort - if you both sit and angrily refuse to consider the alternative viewpoint, you can never resolve anything.

I take it that this feeling of discomfort and unhappiness with the current situation is not something stemming from the regular hormonal upheaval? If so, there is also nothing wrong with that, just allow yourself a little more time to relax, and try to let the other person realise they have to tread a little more carefully right now...

Just a thought or two - but I hope you get back to your happy self!

Greer

thank you everyone.... : )

PiAnt and grezzzy_greer... i appreciate your comment...

There sadly is no cure for it.

Its ingrained in your personality and its who you are, changing it will mean changing yourself.

beej>> it is ingrained in my personality... i accept that.... and it's hard to change myself..how i am....

but if i cant find any benefit...and it rather makes thing worse... i realise i should do something....

it's impossible to change myself right to everyone's expectation.... but to compromise myself might be the good answer...

mmmmmmmm

You need to see A LOT of really bad stuff.

Go do some really tough charity work, see a few people die, that kind of ****.

mmmmmmmm

You need to see A LOT of really bad stuff.

Go do some mentally tough charity work, see a few people die, that kind of ****.

Once you have spent months or even years working with kids with AIDS or the terminally ill, seeing them come in, get to know them then watch them die you'll see life with a whole new attitude.

I just went to war zones, but now and again have a quick top up with the terminally ill, keeps me anger free!

hmmm, maybe you should just accept that there is a good reason to be angry at times and it is your nature....neither good nor bad, it just "is." After you are friends with your anger, it will reach just the right level for you. For some people, their anger is what keeps then alive....

beej.... errrr... i got your point...thank you.... errrrr.... am not familiar with your face and body yet...

friendlyCat... thank you...i agree so... maybe i can see "anger" is an exercise lesson.... to find balance yourself and to be in healthy condition (later)...