showing too much flesh : sexy or tarty ?

[LakeGeneve]

showing too much flesh : looking sexy or looking tarty ?

showing too much flesh : looking ridiculous by advertising how desperate you are (in a way or two)... :roll:

nothing personal - no offence

Interesting that all comments thus far are about women.

quite possibly because the original poster was clearly talking about women. which doesn't imply that there *isn't* a double standard, of course.

Sorry Khun zeusbheld, but there is nothing that I read in the three lines which implys that the original post was exclusively about women. Maybe I am missing something? Are you perhaps suggesting that the words sexy and tarty only relate to women?

Seems to be plenty of men on this site posting photos showing flesh some of whom may look a bit 'tarty' and are perhaps desperate.

white guys scouring the internet for dates halfway around the world already looks a bit desperate, doesnt it?

Why is it anymore desperate to show some flesh than it is to spend dollars on getting a good pic with expensive clothes and makeup?

and who said it was? however, you're playing to different audiences aren't you. and if you're talking about guys wearing makeup for their pics, i'm not sure that's going to appeal to the majority of women (but may appeal to about ten percent of men).

True enough but the principle of the point is the same. I'm sure some hetro guys are doing themselves up, even just with a haircut, and for more formal shots it is not unknonw for hetro guys to have a little make up. It is all about people wishing to present themselves in a certain manner to others.

[is it not all in the eye of the beholder and the context. Sexy, tarty, spunky, boring, dull etc. If people show some flesh then so be it.

i don"t see how it's about right or wrong, just about what demographic your'e marketing to.

Exactly!

Im often amused by how some girls here in TF show all sorts of 'fleshy bits' and very provocative poses in their pics. .... and then go on to say they are looking for "nice guy". Some with 'sexy pics' even say they dont want messages form guys about sex. Hmmm....Its really sending two different signals.

Are we in the 21st century? With respect, this is not that far from the old mindset "she dressed like she wanted it". Just because someone shows some flesh then it means they want sex or do not want a nice guy?!? So your saying that every women who dresses sexy wants to be harassed by a guy asking for sex?

strongly disagree; it's very far from that mindset and has little to do with it. that's an utterly simplistic, slippery-slope approach.

if i were to apply such slippery -slope approach to *your* post then i'd conclude you believe any woman who doesn't put out for you within 15 minutes of meeting you is a prude. which seriously i doubt is what you believe. so careful putting words in mouths and thoughts in heads there, chief.

Simplistic perhaps (late at night to do a longer critique) but the underlying suggestion and clear implication in the post I felt was strongly disagreeable. That being, if a woman (or 'girls' as he said) wanted to present herself in a sexy, however it is defined, manner in a pic or by showing some flesh, then there is some inherent contradiction in her expressing a want for a "nice guy" or not to be harassed about sex. To me this is very simplistic and outdated thinking though it obviously still exists in many parts of the world.

Perhaps I was a bit strong, granted and have a go at me fair enough, but I felt the need to question that view. It is consistent with the same mindset that allows some men to think that they can harass a woman just because of the way she dresses. It is stated quite clearly in the post, "Its really sending two different signals." - the clear implication, 'I show some flesh or look 'sexy', so I want sex and don't want my opinions treated with some respect'. I'm sorry but I found this quite offensive and very simplistic. Seemingly, you perhaps do not?

Of course, it is all much more complicanted and naunced in terms of how people are wishing to communicate or make impressions on others in life and this forum.

Perhaps years ago in the 50s or in a muslim country. But really is this the way to judge people?

people judge people CONSTANTLY. and form their impression based on ANYTHING AND EVERYTHING. it's what we humans DO. as forum trolls for example.we judge each other based on forum posts and update our impressions CONSTANTLY. the person you agree with today might well appear to be the net-devil tomorrow.

most of what we do is designed to make *some* sort of impression, even if that impression is "i'm a sociopath and a hermit and i don't give a flying sideways f*ck what you think" (my profile for example).

Your spouting the 101 level here - it was obviously a bit of a rhectorical question.

However, a fundamental agreement with you. We all judge, much as we may try not to. Impressions, implications and formulations flows from all that we read. I'm with you all the way here. And no problems about agreements today and disagreements tomorrow, it is all heathly if not done for arguements sake.

and why are people so afraid of desperation anyway? it isn't a moral condition; it merely implies low selectivity. the male version of the boudoir profile pic taken in undies is the pose in suit in front of bling car (the male pics of flexing abs whilst wearing manpanties are just scary, mainly because the guys tend to be nowhere near as hot as they believe themselves to be).

the problem with appearing desperate, as a mating strategy, isn't a moral one at all--it's one of perceived value. if someoone appears desperate to find a partner, then they risk having a potential mate perceive them, rightly or wrongly, as having something wrong with them--after all, if they're desperate they must be repelling lots of potential mates somehow. or maybe they can get 'em but can't keep 'em. (or don't WANT to keep 'em, but that's another story).

I would have thought that the self perceived sense of desperation, and social construct, ultimately drives many sites like this, most match making clubs and keeps a healthly number of entertainment venues throughout the world alive? An easy one to play on for most advertising/marketing hyenas. Sells a lot of 'fashionable' items especially in a conformist culture!

[LawrenceUk]

I'm sure this topic has been discussed to death before...

If she's my bird and she's flashing her skin to me, no problem and if she's yours and she's flashing her skin to me, slight problem (but not for me), but if she's mine and she's flashing her skin to someone else, big problem.

If some guys get off by watching their missus flash her bits to all and sundry then that's ok, but mine gets off by flashing herself to me alone.

Free agents however, are exactly that. Free to do as they please. If they want to flash their bits off, who am I to argue?

Agreed.

[zeusbheld]

the problem with appearing desperate, as a mating strategy, isn't a moral one at all--it's one of perceived value. if someoone appears desperate to find a partner, then they risk having a potential mate perceive them, rightly or wrongly, as having something wrong with them--after all, if they're desperate they must be repelling lots of potential mates somehow. or maybe they can get 'em but can't keep 'em. (or don't WANT to keep 'em, but that's another story).

I would have thought that the self perceived sense of desperation, and social construct, ultimately drives many sites like this, most match making clubs and keeps a healthly number of entertainment venues throughout the world alive? An easy one to play on for most advertising/marketing hyenas. Sells a lot of 'fashionable' items especially in a conformist culture!

desperation is the cornerstone of the world economy: without desperation there would be no advertising industry.

[Bernie009]

I'm sure this topic has been discussed to death before...

If she's my bird and she's flashing her skin to me, no problem and if she's yours and she's flashing her skin to me, slight problem (but not for me), but if she's mine and she's flashing her skin to someone else, big problem.

If some guys get off by watching their missus flash her bits to all and sundry then that's ok, but mine gets off by flashing herself to me alone.

Free agents however, are exactly that. Free to do as they please. If they want to flash their bits off, who am I to argue?

Flashback :idea: :arrow:

[PeeMarc]

desperation is the cornerstone of the world economy: without desperation there would be no advertising industry.

After 27 years of creating ads in the advertising industry, I would have to agree with you.

It's not a world economy anymore, it's a 'want desperately' economy. And those wants and needs have provided a healthy income for me.

But back to the point....

In anthropological terms, showing 'flesh', provocating body language, certain colour clothing, wearing certain make-up, perfumes and certain facial expressions are all part of the human mating game.

As an example of this, there is much evidence to show that women wearing make-up is a throw-back from not so distant times.

Men are constantly searching (even hunting) for the healthiest, strongest woman to mate with. The human mission is to make babies who are healthier, smarter and stronger than the last generation, thereby ensuring the continuation of our species.

Blush on the cheeks helps the woman look healthy and show good blood flow, eye-liner helps the eyes attract.

But the most interesting is the modern use of lipstick. It has been theorised that humans, like apes, used to be more interested in the female's arse. (note the redness of many apes arses for the purpose of attracting and stimulating a male) This is because humans (like apes) weren't so upright as we are now. Human copulation was performed from behind.

As we evolved and began to walk upright, humans began to copulate front to front. This meant women had to change strategies to attract a male. Breasts and different body language became more important as stimulation and attraction, as did the face. There is evidence to suggest that the wearing of lipstick is a throwback of women trying to attract men in much the same way as long ago. Wearing red lipstick is a womans way of simulating healthy, blood engorged vagina.

Women showing flesh (in certain provocative ways) is just part of this human mating game to attract a partner. Men showing their strength through competition (observe men in bars and sports etc) is that also part of this game.

This is why men get so confused when a woman is being sexual provocative (showing flesh in certain ways, wearing certain make-up and moving in certain ways) but she does not want to copulate with him. These are purely animal responses we ALL share. We still follow similar mating rituals as we did as humans for thousands of years. Just because we see ourselves as 'evolved' now, does not mean that our mating games have really evolved or changed that much.

It is the evolution of our minds, emotions, knowledge and our ability to REASON (as apposed to just think), which helps men to determine more about whether the womans signals are real or not, and this stops the man (in most cases) from just going over and 'jumping her bones' like a monkey would.