It's too hard to keep it for me. Don't read further if you're not sure, but I need to tell with details the suicide of my friend's husband and what we have been living for 30 hours. I need to share.

Monday morning, he hanged himself in the bathroom of his house, and his daughter, 16 years old, found him coming back alone from school. She tried to untie the rope, could not, and cut it with a knife. She thought there was still something to do, but he had died several hours before.

I was not close to him but we met many times, in dinners, in parties or when he was coming for his daughter. I am friend with her, not that we see very often, but we have shared enough good and bad times during years. The girl was a quite close friend of my son a few years ago (not so much now); she has been my student in the writing workshop I have been giving for 3 years; she's a very nice and interesting person.

I was in a meeting at school when my friend was called that something had happened, so we (3 teachers and her) went in my car through the traffic of Mexico City, she was like crazy, wanted to run to her house, we hardly kept her inside, crying, shouting? Arrived in the house, we knew all was finished for him. The cops, the doctors; the fear of cop's corruption; my friend and the girl in such a pain, the girl asking "take out this image of my mind", my friend nearly falling down a thousand times. Fortunately, very close friends of hers came and helped so much, and also a new local teacher knowing the ways here and having the right supports though she wasn't close at all. We went to the Police, stayed 6 hours, my son joined us, then we sent the girl and my son to the friend's house, their daughter is a very close friend of the girl, they slept a little before joining us to the undertaker's. We went to another Justice place, waited again, other friends came, I went to my house to change my clothes and eat a soup, and then to the undertaker's, waiting for the body. We were all the time with them, talking to them, taking them in our arms, trying to calm them down, listening to them. I have never seen such a pain mixed with such a guilt. I think we help them a lot and we will go on, but I know also that it's nothing compared with what they're through and that the girl will be hurt for life.

When they brought the body, my friend went to see his face through the window of the casket, it was terrible. Then I saw the girl, she was shivering, alone, nobody with her, maybe nobody dared, so I took her in my arms, I told her she didn't had to go, she said she wanted and asked me to go with her so we went. It was hard to take her away from him.

I slept 2 hours and went to work, like a zombie in my class. Then to the undertaker's again, the ceremony, go to the graveyard, one hour in convoy, a ceremony again, and they buried him.

We went back to the house, my friend and the girl packed a few things and now they are in close friend's house on the other side of the town, trying to recover, trying to enter in the new universe he opened so terribly for them.

And I am writing this, trying now to manage and get off all that pain piled up. They loved him and he loved them. How could he do such a thing to his beloved ones? How could he do this to his daughter? I feel inside of me what his pain has had to be to do such a thing, I can't forget it, and I can't forget how deep they have been injured. I know we did the best we could, I know we will do the best we can. It will take me some time to find peace again but it will take them more than a life.

don't know what to say.....hope all feel better soon.

I know there's nothing to say. Just that you've read it, I feel better.Thanks.

Really can not offer any great words of wisedom...Outside of a supporting ear if needed...

hope you feel better after writing out. don't keep in your heart all the sad things. now is not important why he do it, can help his family a bit and hope he feel better in heaven and you feel better too.

Thanks for your comments, and most of all for your reading and sharing.

Yes I feel better after writing it, crying it out. I still feel sad, I will feel sad for sometimes, but it will vanish in the air.

Tomorrow is another day.

It must have been a terrible experience, Sylvain, but take solace in the fact that you were there when needed and at least brought comfort and love to those left behind.

Yes Mike, I am glad, even it is not the appropriate word, to have been helpful as much as possible, and will be in the days and months which come.

Thanks for the comment.

I read it and it's terrible. This is one of the cruel things that can happen...nothing else to do than let time pass by and let the memory of it dim. Take care Sylvain and hopefully you can support the girl in her sorrow...

my cousin, 3 young kids, gassed himself in his car. luckily, he did it after going for a drive so his family didn't have to find him. why did he do it? his family still ask themselves. he had it all. good looking, great job, great family. what a loss. what a mystery.

my next door neighbour, 5 kids, divorced about 6 years before he decided he didn't want to live anymore. but he was lazy, gased himself in his car at home. one of the daughters aged 18 was the one to find him after she came home from work. the other kids came home from school and work to the wonderful news that their father had checked out permenantly. why would you do this to your kids?

sharing this experience with others is good, it will hepl you get peace of mind again, hopefully soon

Thanks again for all comments.

I feel better now, little by little.