Chatty Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 (edited) From chatting with a farang guy, I told him that I moved to Nonthaburi already... he asked if I live alone... I said "Nope, I live with my dad n' mom" He said "36 still live to dad n' mom?? weird!!" Hmm actually, I don't know his background, the ppl he hang out with... He told me he had many Thai friends and they live on thier own.. they live in BKK" Well ppl who live in BKK might be not born and raise here... It's quite hard to say, in my life Thai people I hang out with, study with, who live on their own mostly come from up country, such as Isarn, north, south, they come to live on their own since they were teenagers cuz BKK is the center of everything. The ppl like me who were born and raised in BKK live with the families. There are many people I know got married but still live with their parents... same as myself my dad lived with his dad n' mom til he met my mom, so my mom moved in the family.... my grandparents grew me up, 5 of us lived in the same roof til my grandpa passed away... There are many Thai, Thai - Chinese families do as us... cuz of culture, financial etc. Plus I'm single, if I get married (only married, not GF/ BF) I will move to live with my husband with his family or set our own family up to his style of living but I prefer to live with him alone. In some case (rarely) the men move to the women's place. This is just my society... I didn't expect that ppl will understand.... just wanna say there are many experience in Thailand that you think "It weirds" and give some negative comments about us.... but it's just the way we live... Edited March 7, 2011 by Chatty Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
admin Posted March 2, 2011 Report Share Posted March 2, 2011 He may be talking about the fact that most children move out when their 18 in most other countries. In fact, it's considered a bit of a failure to be living with your parents beyond that age. Obviously the culture is different than in Thailand and perhaps most of the people he knows come from outside of Bangkok so he assumed Thais had a similar view. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiAnt Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 It weirds the hell out of me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SoBeIt Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 From another side of the world. It weirds for me to see when the son has an arguement with his mom and telling her that she is such a retard and she should go to hell. That's new for me. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Damnam1 Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I do appreciate the thai way, when children support their parents. These are traditions and values, which tend to get lost. So anybody critisizing you as being "weird" to do so, is degenerated and poor - off, as this person might not have had a good time with his family himself. You don´t necessarily have to live under the same roof, but maybe nearby and be able to help. No need to be ashamed about living under one roof.. My mum lives on 1st floor of our house and I live on ground floor in separate flats. My sis, my nephew and I help her in many aspects of daily life and this is the way it should be. No doubt you are doing the right. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Guest MarkCJ Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 (edited) EDIT: "Banal and preachy post below for Bob to attack" Just to make it easier. Most Western families today are what's known as a "Nuclear Family" That consists of the father,mother and children only. Thailand and most other Asian countries have an "Extended Family" Father,mother,children,grandmother,grandfather etc. It used to be the same in Western countries up until about 300 years ago. The industrial revolution and capitalism made it financially better to kick granny and grandad out. I think the extended family is much better. The kids can learn from their grandparents who have had a life full of experience. The grandparents can have a useful existence looking after the kids while mum and dad work,unlike in the West where they are put out to pasture in a retirement home and forgotten. The West has really lost something by getting rid of the extended family. I'm not sure.. but I think parts of Southern Europe, Greece etc still have a lot of extended families. It doesn't "weird me out". I think it's a win/win situation for everyone. Edited March 7, 2011 by MarkCJ Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin_2 Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 He may be talking about the fact that most children move out when their 18 in most other countries. In fact, it's considered a bit of a failure to be living with your parents beyond that age. Maybe in north America and some European countries, but most children in most countries are still living at home when they're 18. I think it mostly has to do with economics. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Seafra Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think if Thai kids of Uni age could get jobs that pay 16,000-20,000 US a year they would all be out of the family nest. They cant afford it, so they stay home. As soon as I had the money I was gone, but not before that. If and when the money comes to Thai kids of that age, it might take a few generations for that situation to change, as it also culturally rooted. Ireland was the same 40 years ago .... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
admin Posted March 7, 2011 Report Share Posted March 7, 2011 I think if Thai kids of Uni age could get jobs that pay 16,000-20,000 US a year they would all be out of the family nest. They cant afford it, so they stay home. As soon as I had the money I was gone, but not before that. If and when the money comes to Thai kids of that age, it might take a few generations for that situation to change, as it also culturally rooted. Ireland was the same 40 years ago .... I agree. It's less a cultural thing as it is an issue of necessity for most people. However, if you are making 20,000+ per month and are still living at home with your parents that is not necessarily the norm. I was probably wrong in saying 18 was the age. I was assuming, which is common in farang cultures, that you go to university away from home once you finish school at 18. But, if you go off to university and graduate at 22 or 23 years old and are still living at home at 30 that is not something that is very common inside or outside of Thailand. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chatty Posted March 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 I think if Thai kids of Uni age could get jobs that pay 16,000-20,000 US a year they would all be out of the family nest. They cant afford it, so they stay home. As soon as I had the money I was gone, but not before that. If and when the money comes to Thai kids of that age, it might take a few generations for that situation to change, as it also culturally rooted. Ireland was the same 40 years ago .... I have more income than you say... the thing is no one will take care of us when we go old... If you don't have money to spend for the nursing home, and no sons or daughter to take care, can you get picture what will happen? I'm an only child... my parents have nobody else after their parents (my grandpa) passed away...They can't lean on their brothers nor sisters. So it's my job to take care of them. The next generation will take care the previous generation... It's the way we are, the way with the westerners will not understand. You think it's all about economic... for some families, may be. For me it's not... I can live better without them, cuz I can live in town in luxury aprt. or condo if I want to, cuz no need to share my income with anybody. But I would feel guilty all of my life if i did that. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiaranM Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 I think if Thai kids of Uni age could get jobs that pay 16,000-20,000 US a year they would all be out of the family nest. They cant afford it, so they stay home. As soon as I had the money I was gone, but not before that. If and when the money comes to Thai kids of that age, it might take a few generations for that situation to change, as it also culturally rooted. Ireland was the same 40 years ago .... the way things have gone **** up in ireland ... might end up like that again !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chatty Posted March 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 I do appreciate the thai way, when children support their parents. These are traditions and values, which tend to get lost. So anybody critisizing you as being "weird" to do so, is degenerated and poor - off, as this person might not have had a good time with his family himself. You dont necessarily have to live under the same roof, but maybe nearby and be able to help. No need to be ashamed about living under one roof.. My mum lives on 1st floor of our house and I live on ground floor in separate flats. My sis, my nephew and I help her in many aspects of daily life and this is the way it should be. No doubt you are doing the right. Thks kha at least, you got it right... not everything we do about the economic as some ppl think. Actually, that house is my own house i bought for my future 6 years ago, but i live with mom in town. Then I moved and they moved in with me cuz i have no one and they have no one else, I live on 2nd floor, it's just like my personal aprt... i paid them monthly as good daughters / sons in Thailand do. As I said we, Thai don't have good social security system. Our public healthcare? just forget about it... if you poor no one to take care and you get sick...just die. For the westerner eyes might call it failure... but if I can take care of my eldery parents on my own, being owner of a house, a (tiny) car, Thai ppl call "You are so cool!!" Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
admin Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Thks kha at least, you got it right... not everything we do about the economic as some ppl think. Actually, that house is my own house i bought for my future 6 years ago, but i live with mom in town. Then I moved and they moved in with me cuz i have no one and they have no one else, I live on 2nd floor, it's just like my personal aprt... i paid them monthly as good daughters / sons in Thailand do. As I said we, Thai don't have good social security system. Our public healthcare? just forget about it... if you poor no one to take care and you get sick...just die.For the westerner eyes might call it failure... but if I can take care of my eldery parents on my own, being owner of a house, a (tiny) car, Thai ppl call "You are so cool!!" Let me clarify a few things. First off there's a huge difference between your parents living with you and you living with your parents. If you live with your parents and are 30+, in most farang cultures, it means that you are not capable of taking care of yourself. Without the financial support of your parents you would not be able to survive. For instance, I know a girl who comes from a middle-class family. She makes about 30,000 baht per month and she lives with her parents. Because her parents don't need her support all of her money goes for her car, partying, eating out at nice restaurants, and shopping. She has zero money in savings and even has to borrow from her family whenever unexpected expenses come up. It's a very selfish choice whether her parents feel burdened or not. That is why it is often called a failure in farang culture. People assume that if you live with your parents after a certain age then you are unable to take care of yourself. However, if you are the one who has taken your parents in that's a very different thing and one of the reasons why English is such a tricky language. "I live with my parents" typically implies that it is your parent's home and they are financially supporting you. "My parents live with me" typically means that for whatever reason (illness, elderly, financial reasons, etc) you have chosen to take care of your parents. If anything this shows that you are a compassionate person and successful enough to take on this extra financial burden. Also to clarify, Damnam's living arrangements are not typical in farang culture. I would say less than 20% (and probably closer to 10%) live this way. In most farang cultures the idea is that, as a parent, you've just spent 18 - 22 years of your life looking after, supporting, and sacrificing for this person. It's time the son or daughter take on the responsibility of their own life. This frees up the parents who can enjoy the extra income (not spent on taking care of the son or daughter) and freedom that they gave up to raise a child. This gets misinterpreted by many Thais that we don't care about our parents. It's quite the opposite. We care. We want them to have their freedom too. They should be free to travel or just relax without having to worry that we cannot take care of ourselves. Likewise our parents work hard and save up money so they don't have to burden their children with taking care of them when they get older. They feel that the children should be free to raise their own family or enjoy their lives. Of course, if one cannot take care of themselves then someone steps in to help. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Chatty Posted March 8, 2011 Author Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Thks kha p'Bill, now I got bigger picture... So next time if someone ask me I will say my parents live with me. I take care of them. About your 30+ years old friend, I admit there are a lot of ppl do like that in Thailand. For me dad n' mom have their own small business at home. They help me sometimes when I'm in trouble. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Admin_2 Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 Thks kha at least, you got it right... not everything we do about the economic as some ppl think. Actually, that house is my own house i bought for my future 6 years ago, but i live with mom in town. Then I moved and they moved in with me cuz i have no one and they have no one else, I live on 2nd floor, it's just like my personal aprt... i paid them monthly as good daughters / sons in Thailand do. As I said we, Thai don't have good social security system. Our public healthcare? just forget about it... if you poor no one to take care and you get sick...just die.For the westerner eyes might call it failure... but if I can take care of my eldery parents on my own, being owner of a house, a (tiny) car, Thai ppl call "You are so cool!!" I'm not saying that EVERYONE does it the way you do it because of pure economics, but that is the way it is for most people...because of economics. And as you went on to say: Social Security here sucks and 30 baht program has lost steam. Old people HAVE to rely on their children, and usually the children can't go out and buy/rent a second place to have their parents taken care of. Congrats to you for being able to take care of yourself and your parents. I couldn't imagine having to take care of my parents as well. I don't own my house or my car yet as I still have a mortgage and car payments, but my goal is to fully own everything *sometime* soon. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PiAnt Posted March 8, 2011 Report Share Posted March 8, 2011 It's like a noise in the back of your throat. You can use it as a weapon or to control worms. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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