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A Thief In Paris.....sorry...awful!!

A thief in Paris planned to steal some paintings from the Louvre. After careful planning, he got past security, stole the paintings and made it safely to his van. However, he was captured only two blocks away when his van ran out of gas. When asked how he could mastermind such a crime and then make such an obvious error, he replied, "Monsieur, that is the reason I stole the paintings. ... I had no Monet to buy Degas to make the Van Gogh."

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Chuck Norris- Hard as Nails

Chuck Norris has a pet kitten……. every night for a snack. A Handicap parking sign does not signify that this spot is for handicapped people. It is actually in fact a warning, that the spot belongs to Chuck Norris and that you will be handicapped if you park there. Chuck Norris recently had the idea to sell his urine as a beverage. We know this drink as Red Bull. When we punch the elevator button twice, nothing, when Chuck does it, hello turbo mode. Chuck Norris can believe it’s not butter.

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Anyone for Chess??

Any tfers play chess? go to www.gameknot.com free online chess against people from all over the world. 3 days per move if you desire.challenge me: lizardo

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Clubbing Hell???

Nightclubs are hell. What's cool or fun about a thumping, sweaty dungeon full of posing idiots? Charlie Brooker Monday August 13, 2007 The Guardian I went to a fashionable London nightclub on Saturday. Not the sort of sentence I get to write very often, because I enjoy nightclubs less than I enjoy eating wool. But a glamorous friend of mine was there to "do a PA", and she'd invited me and some curious friends along because we wanted to see precisely what "doing a PA" consists of. Turn

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N'Orleans...under threat

The Threatening Storm By MICHAEL GRUNWALD Workers from the Army Corps of Engineers finish the last part of the new flood wall at the 17th Street Canal in New Orleans, La., on July 2, 2007. Kadir Van Lohuizen for TIME The most important thing to remember about the drowning of New Orleans is that it wasn't a natural disaster. It was a man-made disaster, created by lousy engineering, misplaced priorities and pork-barrel politics. Katrina was not the Category 5 killer the Big Easy had always fe

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summer Classes for Men (Sorry chaps)

SUMMER CLASSES FOR MEN AT THE LEARNING CENTER FOR ADULTS REGISTRATION MUST BE COMPLETED BY August 29, 2007 NOTE: DUE TO THE COMPLEXITY AND DIFFICULTY LEVEL OF THEIR CONTENTS, CLASS SIZES WILL BE LIMITED TO 8 PARTICIPANTS MAXIMUM. Class 1 How To Fill Up The Ice Cube Trays --- Step by Step, with Slide Presentation. Meets 4 weeks, Monday and Wednesday for 2 hours beginning at 7:00 PM. Class 2 The Toilet Paper Roll --- Does It Change Itself? Round Table Discussion. Meets

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Blair n Prescott

Tony Blair called John Prescott into his office one day and said, 'John I have a great idea! We are going to go all out to win back Middle England'. 'Great idea Tony, how will we go about it?' said Prescott. 'Well' said Blair, 'we'll get ourselves one of those long Barbour coats, some proper wellies, a stick and a flat cap, oh and a Labrador. Then we'll really look the part. We'll go to a nice old country pub, in Much Something or other or one of those villages a

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men vs women

To make a woman happy ...... A man only needs to be: 1. A friend 2. A companion 3. A lover 4. A brother 5. A father 6. A master 7. A chef 8. An electrician 9. A carpenter 10. A plumber 11. A mechanic 12. A decorator 13. A stylist 16. A psychologist 17. A pest exterminator 18. A psychiatrist 19. A healer 20. A good listener 21. An organizer 22. A good father 23. Very clean 24. Sympathetic 25. Athletic 26. Warm 27. Attentive 28. Gallant 29. Int

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virus help!!

thuink i have a virus just in my hotmail msn messenger.....keeps sending shitty oddball messages to my contacts. I have antivir guard protection and scans don't find it. Help before i am ostracized!!

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california wow for sale

my friend has purchased an annual membership for Pattaya california wow but now she is moving back to Bangkok so wants to sell it.....anyone live in Pattaya interested pm me... 

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Addiction - Interesting Article

I was driving up the Massachusetts Turnpike one evening last February when I knocked over a bottle of water. I grabbed for it, swerved inadvertently--and a few seconds later found myself blinking into the flashlight beam of a state trooper. "How much have you had to drink tonight, sir?" he demanded. Before I could help myself, I blurted out an answer that was surely a new one to him. "I haven't had a drink," I said indignantly, "since 1981." It was both perfectly true and very pertinent to the t

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International Terror Alerts

The English are feeling the pinch in relation to recent terrorist threats and have raised their security level from "Miffed" to "Peeved." Soon, though, security levels may be raised yet again to "Irritated" or even "A Bit Cross." Londoners have not been "A Bit Cross" since the blitz in 1940 when tea supplies all but ran out. Terrorists have been re-categorized from "Tiresome" to a "Bloody Nuisance." The last time the British issued a "Bloody Nuisance" warning level was during the Great Fire of 1

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barcelona

ineed flights to Barcelona or Madrid...who works in travel agents???sept 11th rtn 21st sept...help

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English...easy to learn??

I take it you already know Of tough and bough and cough and dough? Others may stumble, but not you On hiccough, thorough, slough and through? Well done! And how you wish, perhaps, To learn of less familiar traps? Beware of heard, a dreadful word That looks like beard and sounds like bird. And dead; it's said like bed, not bead; For goodness sake, don't call it deed! Watch out for meat and great and threat,(they rhyme with suite and straight and debt). A moth is not a moth in mother

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Man's Diary...sorry these are terrible!!

1.        When I was born, I got a choice - A big **** or a good memory. I am not able to remember, what I chose. 2.        Your birth certificate is an apology letter from the condom factory. 3.        A wife is a sex object. Everytime you ask for sex, she objects. 4.        Impotence: Nature's way of saying "No hard feelings" 5.        There are only two four letter words that are offensive to men - "don't" and "stop", unless they are used together. 6.        Pant

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Silence Her

Mari Ramos....CNN...please....somebody...silence this shril, squeaky, warbling woman....her voice drives me to the point of distraction.... doesn't she breathe ?....20 sentences without breathing....what kind of devil spawn wailing banshee is she?  business traveller's advisory??? what the feck... it's the weather....my lord.... i guess i could turn over but please.......silence this broad!

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Duke of Edinburgh quotes

During a state visit to China in 1986, he famously told a group of British students: "If you stay here much longer, you'll all be slitty-eyed".   He also asked a driving instructor in Oban, Scotland: "How do you keep the natives off the booze long enough to get them through the test?"   "British women can't cook." (1966)   "Everybody was saying we must have more leisure. Now they are complaining they are unemployed." (during the 1981 recession)   "We didn't have counsellors rushing aroun

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Ladies: 18 WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED ADVANCEMENTS!!!!

18 WAYS TO TURN DOWN UNWANTED ADVANCEMENTS!!!! HE : Can I buy you a drink? SHE : Actually I'd rather have the money. HE : I'm a photographer. I've been looking for a face like yours. SHE : I'm a plastic surgeon. I've been looking for a face like yours. HE : Hi. Didn't we go on a date once? Or was it twice? SHE : Must've been once. I never make the same mistake twice. HE : How did you get to be so beautiful? SHE : I must've been given your share. HE : Will you go out with m

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