frankenburner2 Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 "it's like watching a bunch of retards trying to hump a doorknob"....Dodge Ball "it's better to burn out than to fade away"....Highlander two of my favorite lines from the movies.....BUT what about one-liners you can take credit for yourself? I've been saying "just one of the many fine services I provide" for years and years and years....I'm not even sure if it's mine anymore? Some others I'll take credit for: "he's dumber than a lamp-post, and that's an insult to lamp-posts everywhere" **insert random ________here** There others I like..... like 2unique's "St. Jay etc etc" signature... Zeus's "careful observer" Princess's quoting what other people have already said.... so....what are your favorite one-liners? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 Give me a rubber band . . . . . . .AND MAKE IT SNAPPY!! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
johnno Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 i've always been partial to "you don't have to be a brain surgeon to work that one out" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiaranM Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 "if u had 2 brains u would be twice as stupid" can't remember where i heard it, but have used it for years now !! Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankenburner2 Posted September 15, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 That "There others I like" always gets me...Instant dislike of people I have never met is another that cracks me up... just one of the many fine services i provide Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
eagle Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 he's a real box of rocks Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squirreloncrack Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 Can I have some cause whatever it is you're on must be good Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 I gotta see a man about a horse . . . Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Squirreloncrack Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 I gotta see a man about a horse . . . what happened to the dog? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 I gotta see a man about a horse . . . what happened to the dog? . . . it's right where its always been . . . lol Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 its not rocket science if you had a brain you would be dangerous madder than a box of frogs . do you kiss your mother with those lips? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 I was so ugly when I was born . . . the doctor slapped my mother . . . (Rodney Dangerfield) Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dave40 Posted September 15, 2006 Report Share Posted September 15, 2006 You must have two dicks you could not be that silly pulling one Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
koratbob Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 The funniest one I have ever heard, come from the mouth of a sweet little girl. One of the guys was a little drunk a went up to her and said I,d love to get in those pants. And she turned and said; I already have one ahole in these pants and there is no room for another Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LudwigVonMises Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 I saw this on a keychain: "Is that your face, or did your pants fall down?" Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Princess Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Instant a**hole - just add alcohol. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
LudwigVonMises Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Instant a**hole - just add alcohol. ROFLMAO Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
MikeAussieGuy Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 I found a website with one liners. These are actual Newspaper headlines that I found funny. Something Went Wrong in Jet Crash, Expert Says Police Begin Campaign to Run Down Jaywalkers Safety Experts Say School Bus Passengers Should Be Belted Drunk Gets Nine Months in Violin Case Survivor of Siamese Twins Joins Parents Farmer Bill Dies in House Iraqi Head Seeks Arms Is There a Ring of Debris around Uranus? Prostitutes Appeal to Pope Panda Mating Fails; Veterinarian Takes Over Soviet Virgin Lands Short of Goal Again Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
WHISKERS Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 Here are some of Rodney Dangerfield's best one liners: A girl phoned me the other day and said .... Come on over, there's nobody home. I went over. Nobody was home. If it weren't for pick-pocketers I'd have no sex life at all. And we were poor too. Why if I wasn't born a boy.... I'd have nothing to play with. During sex my girlfriend always wants to talk to me. Just the other night she called me from a hotel. One day as I came home early from work ..... I saw a guy jogging naked. I said to the guy .... Hey buddy .... why are you doing that for? He said ...Because you came home early. Its been a rough day. I got up this morning .... put on a shirt and a button fell off. I picked up my briefcase and the handle came off. I'm afraid to go to the bathroom. When I played in the sandbox the cat kept covering me up. I could tell that my parents hated me. My bath toys were a toaster and a radio. My mother never breast fed me. She told me that she only liked me as a friend. My father carries around the picture of the kid who came with his wallet. When I was born .... the doctor came out to the waiting room and said to my father .... I'm very sorry. We did everything we could ....but he pulled through. My mother had morning sickness after I was born. I remember the time I was kidnapped and they sent a piece of my finger to my father. He said he wanted more proof. Once when I was lost..... I saw a policeman and asked him to help me find my parents. I said to him ..... do you think we'll ever find them? He said ...I don't know kid .... there are so many places they can hide. On Halloween .... the parents send their kids out looking like me. Last year... one kid tried to rip my face off! Now it's different...when I answer the door the kids hand me candy. My wife made me join a bridge club. I jump off next Tuesday. I worked in a pet shop and people kept asking how big I'd get. I went to see my doctor. Doctor, every morning when I get up and look in the mirror... I feel like throwing up; What's wrong with me? He said... I don't know but your eyesight is perfect. My psychiatrist told me I'm going crazy. I told him .... If you don't mind I'd like a second opinion. He said .... Alright.... you're ugly too! When I was born the doctor took one look at my face ... turned me over and said. Look ... twins! I remember when I swallowed a bottle of sleeping pills. My doctor told me to have a few drinks and get some rest. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_George Posted September 16, 2006 Report Share Posted September 16, 2006 You're so full of shite, every word you say is like a turd dropping in my drink. She told me she was a virgin! Next thing I know I've got three pimps tryin' to flag my ride, telling me I'm in a Holy load of ****.....I just bought these sandals! God created the world in seven days........that would explain why there are so many idiots! I'm not an alcoholic.......people drink water to survive......I drink beer to make people more interesting. And then there was 'light'.................and then 'ultra light' then people realised it's all the same.......by which time the Marlboro man was dying proof. Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamHotel Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 1 Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
SiamHotel Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 -------------------- s [----> x] Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Dr_Sassy Posted September 17, 2006 Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 That "There others I like" always gets me...Instant dislike of people I have never met is another that cracks me up... just one of the many fine services i provide frankenburner2's favourite pick-up line :?: Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
frankenburner2 Posted September 17, 2006 Author Report Share Posted September 17, 2006 another favorite..."go ahead, try me!" ...anon... Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
711_Dimsum Posted September 20, 2006 Report Share Posted September 20, 2006 Lol..Yeah, I love Rodney Dangerfield's lines. I remember seeing Henny Youngman years ago on some show, he was still old then, but I laughed pretty hard at his lines, the whole, 'Wife' routine'.He was like one of the first in that catergory wasnt he? Quote Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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