dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 A friend of mine, who currently lives in Bangkok wants to marry his girlfriend. ( please note, this is not secretly me as I don't even have a girlfriend, alright matey? ) he keeps asking my advice on costs, sin sod, bhat gold and all other kinds of stuff. I haven't got a clue as to what to tell him! I will give you the lowdown on what I know. He is 28 she is 36 They are both teachers at a school and for a very long time they have had to keep their relationship secret. ( People talking, scandals etc ) Both of them have never married before. None of them are virgins. None of them have children from previous relationships. Both her parents are dead and her older brother brought her up! I know there is a million and one variables, but what on average do you think he can spend? He's on B42,000 a month and has been in Thailand for about 6 years I think. I don't know what savings he has but i suppose I could ask him...lol Seriously, much appreciated. Dannyboy. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 i just want to know what kind of life a farang whose single can have in Thailand on that kind of monthly income, let alone one whos going to get married and perhaps have a family. Hope he has savings. Good luck. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
English_Bob Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 I know he gets some stick on this site, but why not ask Stickman? On his weekly column there's a Thai girl who answers questions like this. Things to take into consideration are - age, background, education, profession, social status of both parties. A HUGE factor here would be the fact that her parents are dead. The sin sot is to pay her parents back for raising her. I'm not sure that a big brother is entitled to receive sin sot, especially if he's still working. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 i just want to know what kind of life a farang whose single can have in Thailand on kind of monthly income, let alone one whos going to get married and perhaps have a family. Hope he has savings. Good luck. Honestly PeeMarc, on most occasions I would not give a damn but that really did not help, did it? I'm looking for hard numbers to tell my mate not give him a lecture on being responsible with his cash... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 i just want to know what kind of life a farang whose single can have in Thailand on kind of monthly income, let alone one whos going to get married and perhaps have a family. Hope he has savings. Good luck. Honestly PeeMarc, on most occasions I would not give a damn but that really did not help, did it? I'm looking for hard numbers to tell my mate not give him a lecture on being responsible with his cash... fair enough. Point taken. But, laterally thinking about the descriptions....why get married in thailand and stay here? Perhaps they may be better (financially) to do it in his home country where his family is (unless he hasnt any either). Just a thought. They can always come back here and have a simple thai marriage at home too. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Your friend must discuss this with his wife to be. Together they can set a reasonable dowry along with the brother. So he should pay one? bugger... I was gonna tell him to fcuk the dowry, he aint a Thai! What is reasonable? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 At 36 years old, I doubt if the family would demand anything at all for her mate, or perhaps a token amount and a baht of gold to save face and to tell the neighbours about/flash around. At her age, her family should also know that she is no longer under their reign, and leave her pretty much to her own devices. If they've still got that much hold over her at 36 years old, then it's only going to mean more problems in the future.Things are changing here and fewer and fewer families are expecting such archaic traditions to be adhered to. There are many younger people who are aware that paying for ones bride is not something that's done in the west, and if a Thai girl wants to marry a westerner, then both sides know that a compromise is the way to go. Who is it anyway mate? What's with all the subterfuge? Do I know him? I'll tell him what's what. It's the Swede at my old school, still keep in contact with him. Sent me an email today with all the questions in and more... :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 I see.If I were you, I'd tell him that... 1. You live in England. 2. Grow the f*ck up. 3. Are you brain dead? 4. What the f*ck has it got to do with me? 5. I've got enough to be thinking about already. 6. Your sh*t is your sh*t. Don't give it to me to sort out, and fret over. You'll make up your own mind anyway. 7. Shut the f*ck up and grow a f*cking spine. 8. Grab that sh*t by the throat and shake the life out of it until it gives in. 9. In future, keep your freaky personal sh*t to yourself you soft git. 10. End with a nice friendly, I'm here if you need real advice note. I could do...but he's an alright bloke, just panics a bit, that's all... Anyone else with any kind words of advice? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Don't listen to PiAnt...(best advice I can give) Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Anyone else with any kind words of advice? Yes, if I may? There was an old Thai saying (I don?t have Thai fonts on this computer so I?m gonna translate it into English here. It goes something like this?.). ?Only if you have a knife with you, we give you our daughter? (not litterally, off course) My grandfather used it when my father asked for permission to marry my mom. A man who has a knife means a man who has job and willing to work hard/fight for the family (that?s what my grandfather explained to me). Perhaps your friend should talk to his wife-to-be's family. Let them know that he doesn?t earn much but he?s willing to give what he has, let say bth 50000. Maybe the family will surprise him by not asking for any bath at all. So Nicky, you think this maybe a reasonabe amount, given she is a teacher but she is 36 years old? Do you think it's ok that it's her older brother that is asking for sin sod also? Would a Thai man pay sin sod for a 36 year old? Lots of questions I know... :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Anyone else with any kind words of advice? Yes, if I may? There was an old Thai saying (I don?t have Thai fonts on this computer so I?m gonna translate it into English here. It goes something like this?.). ?Only if you have a knife with you, we give you our daughter? (not litterally, off course) My grandfather used it when my father asked for permission to marry my mom. A man who has a knife means a man who has job and willing to work hard/fight for the family (that?s what my grandfather explained to me). Perhaps your friend should talk to his wife-to-be's family. Let them know that he doesn?t earn much but he?s willing to give what he has, let say bth 50000. Maybe the family will surprise him by not asking for any bath at all. So Nicky, you think this maybe a reasonabe amount, given she is a teacher but she is 36 years old? Do you think it's ok that it's her older brother that is asking for sin sod also? Would a Thai man pay sin sod for a 36 year old? Lots of questions I know... :shock: 1. No I don?t think that?s reasonable amount. A daughter shouldn?t be compare with any money or gold. I say 50000 just an example and because he earns 45000/month and in fact that 50000 is a bit too many. He can?t give what he doesn?t have. Personally, I strongly disagree with this sin-sod thing. Thanks Lord Buddha, none of my family agree with it either. 2. What bloody hell that the bloody bother has to do with their marriage? If his wife to-be allows her brother to involve, you friend has something to think about, seriously. 3. I don?t think they would. She is 36 and your friend is 8 years younger. She is damn lucky. If I were her, I will be jumping kangaroo or even pay for the wedding from my very own pocket. Beautiful, I love you! That's exactly what I think.... thanks for that! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Actually Dan, that's only 3 questions.WTF is wrong with you? If this Swede really exists and he really has a dilemma over this sh*t, then he deserves to be ridden for all he's worth by the big bro. He sounds like a total wanker who hasn't got a clue and probably can't even cross the road without advice from someone else. Tell him to piss off. WTF are you bothered about it? He's obviously a totally useless waste of not only space, but air. I don't want to hear another word about the soft git. I mean it na. The reason I'm pursing this is because I'm genuinly interested. It's not often you get to find out about this side of Thai life! He definitely exists, I could tell you where he works, not far from our old stomping grounds at Fashion , I worked with him at my school for six months. I just feel sorry for him, really! It seems he is being taken advantage of. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
vbroker Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Anyone else with any kind words of advice? Yes, if I may? There was an old Thai saying (I don?t have Thai fonts on this computer so I?m gonna translate it into English here. It goes something like this?.). ?Only if you have a knife with you, we give you our daughter? (not litterally, off course) My grandfather used it when my father asked for permission to marry my mom. A man who has a knife means a man who has job and willing to work hard/fight for the family (that?s what my grandfather explained to me). Perhaps your friend should talk to his wife-to-be's family. Let them know that he doesn?t earn much but he?s willing to give what he has, let say bth 50000. Maybe the family will surprise him by not asking for any bath at all. So Nicky, you think this maybe a reasonabe amount, given she is a teacher but she is 36 years old? Do you think it's ok that it's her older brother that is asking for sin sod also? Would a Thai man pay sin sod for a 36 year old? Lots of questions I know... :shock: Anyone know what a "sales pitch" is? It's the art of convincing another, usually a person you have no prior relationship with or often a person or people you don't know at all to do or agree to something they weren't even thinking about before by presenting excellent reasons for THEIR BENEFIT. And yes it's an art, not innate but learned. Your mate has several advantages going into this negotiation. His intended is 36 and an adult orphan. Since everything is negotiable, why not offer the brother something of perceived value in lieu of this sin sod? Maybe help in building something or assistance in helping him find a job. The point is show the Thai brother there are other things of value outside of cash and gold he can provide to him in good faith. He can tell the brother he is a westerner on an English teacher's salary and cannot afford a cash payment, the girl is 36 and there are no parents to lose face. These are all "selling points" that help anchor the negotiation to achieve the desired goal. Of course, the success of this course of action will depend on your mate's stomach to do it and his determination to get it accomplished. He should bring along a trusted Thai - English translator to avoid any misunderstandings that could poison or bring down the negotiation. At days end, it's the girl that needs to be convinced the money is better spent on them and their future. The idea here is to get what you want and keep the peace between future brothers in law. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Stramash Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Actually Dan, that's only 3 questions.WTF is wrong with you? If this Swede really exists and he really has a dilemma over this sh*t, then he deserves to be ridden for all he's worth by the big bro. He sounds like a total wanker who hasn't got a clue and probably can't even cross the road without advice from someone else. Tell him to piss off. WTF are you bothered about it? He's obviously a totally useless waste of not only space, but air. I don't want to hear another word about the soft git. I mean it na. The reason I'm pursing this is because I'm genuinly interested. It's not often you get to find out about this side of Thai life! He definitely exists, I could tell you where he works, not far from our old stomping grounds at Fashion , I worked with him at my school for six months. I just feel sorry for him, really! It seems he is being taken advantage of. f*ck off mate. It's bollocks. All bollocks. You know it is, I know it is, every bloke on here knows it is. None of them eever wish to cross paths with this bloke. He's a total and utter tosser who not only deserves to pay a pile of money to every Thai who demands it, but he also deserves to be ridiculed by children in the street. Get a grip will you. I'm getting angry. now now... relax... ignore the anger... close your eyes...and imagine... you are in a beautiful garden. There is a heady aroma of summer blossom, birds are singing, in the distance is the sound of children playing... now open your eyes... and realise that a mad scientist has cloned Cosmo and you are locked in a room with 12 of him... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 22, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Actually Dan, that's only 3 questions.WTF is wrong with you? If this Swede really exists and he really has a dilemma over this sh*t, then he deserves to be ridden for all he's worth by the big bro. He sounds like a total wanker who hasn't got a clue and probably can't even cross the road without advice from someone else. Tell him to piss off. WTF are you bothered about it? He's obviously a totally useless waste of not only space, but air. I don't want to hear another word about the soft git. I mean it na. The reason I'm pursing this is because I'm genuinly interested. It's not often you get to find out about this side of Thai life! He definitely exists, I could tell you where he works, not far from our old stomping grounds at Fashion , I worked with him at my school for six months. I just feel sorry for him, really! It seems he is being taken advantage of. f*ck off mate. It's bollocks. All bollocks. You know it is, I know it is, every bloke on here knows it is. None of them eever wish to cross paths with this bloke. He's a total and utter tosser who not only deserves to pay a pile of money to every Thai who demands it, but he also deserves to be ridiculed by children in the street. Get a grip will you. I'm getting angry. Mate... :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 i just want to know what kind of life a farang whose single can have in Thailand on that kind of monthly income ever see that freezer with the (rather tasty) frozen wonton soup in 7/11? THAT kind of life. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
zeusbheld Posted November 22, 2008 Report Share Posted November 22, 2008 Actually Dan, that's only 3 questions.WTF is wrong with you? If this Swede really exists and he really has a dilemma over this sh*t, then he deserves to be ridden for all he's worth by the big bro. He sounds like a total wanker who hasn't got a clue and probably can't even cross the road without advice from someone else. Tell him to piss off. WTF are you bothered about it? He's obviously a totally useless waste of not only space, but air. I don't want to hear another word about the soft git. I mean it na. The reason I'm pursing this is because I'm genuinly interested. It's not often you get to find out about this side of Thai life! He definitely exists, I could tell you where he works, not far from our old stomping grounds at Fashion , I worked with him at my school for six months. I just feel sorry for him, really! It seems he is being taken advantage of. f*ck off mate. It's bollocks. All bollocks. You know it is, I know it is, every bloke on here knows it is. None of them eever wish to cross paths with this bloke. He's a total and utter tosser who not only deserves to pay a pile of money to every Thai who demands it, but he also deserves to be ridiculed by children in the street. Get a grip will you. I'm getting angry. pantsuit is off his meds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiaranM Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 :shock: Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
Sukhumvit_Farang Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Call me cynical, but if you ask me, this "brother" is actually her husband. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Wow!!! That is one angry person...it's like watching a train wreck in slow motion... Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Call me cynical, but if you ask me, this "brother" is actually her husband. good point. Good odds. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
dannyboy Posted November 29, 2008 Author Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Call me cynical, but if you ask me, this "brother" is actually her husband. good point. Good odds. On MSN with him now, shall I suggest this scenario? Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
CiaranM Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 i just want to know what kind of life a farang whose single can have in Thailand on that kind of monthly income, let alone one whos going to get married and perhaps have a family. Hope he has savings. Good luck. probably a similar lifestyle to a middle class thai .... millions of ppl here living on a damm sight less than that !!! i reckon i could manage on 42k a month, but don't particularly fancy having to try it !!! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
PeeMarc Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Call me cynical, but if you ask me, this "brother" is actually her husband. good point. Good odds. On MSN with him now, shall I suggest this scenario?you know for sure that ANY scenario ANY outsider may suggest will largely be ignored. Only the 2 of them can work it out and know the whole truth mate. Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
GM Posted November 29, 2008 Report Share Posted November 29, 2008 Call me cynical, but if you ask me, this "brother" is actually her husband. ok... cynical! Link to comment Share on other sites More sharing options...
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