Tomorrow morning, when I wake, I will begin one of the hardest things I know.

I will stop smoking forever.

I guess, if I am to be totally honest, I am writing this as 'positive validation' for myself more than anything else, so please excuse my rambling here.

I know how hard giving up will be because, 12 years ago, I gave up for 6 years and I have secretly chastised myself ever since for the stupidity of not only starting again, but smoking much heavier than I ever did before. I have been smoking up to 2 packets every day.

Crazy.

For those people who have never smoked, or had any kind of addiction in their lives, this whole concept is difficult (perhaps impossible) to fully comprehend. But, for those who have, or still are addicted, it is extremely real.

It's been known for quite a while that nicotine is actually just as addictive as drugs such as cocaine or heroin, although the relative amount of nicotine in the average cigarette is very small. But it's not just the nicotine which a smoker becomes addicted to. It's also a whole variety of lifestyle habits which become ingrained, over time, in each day and these are just as addictive, in a psychological and emotional ways, as the nicotine is in a physical way.

The odd thing that i find is that, in my life, there have been periods when I have taken excessive amounts of all sorts of drugs, including heroin and cocaine, and I have walked away from these with relative ease. I dont take any drugs now, and havent for quite a while. I hardly even drink these days.

The other thing I find quite odd is that I have climbed mountains, sky-dived from 10,000 feet, done caving and canyoning and jumped off cliffs, ridden a bicycle up the west coast of India and also clear across Morroco - I have done so many things in my life which have scared the **** out of me. I have succeeded in all sorts of near impossible challenges. But something as seemingly simple as giving up smoking seems to top the lot!

Crazy.

One term used for cocaine addiction is having 'a monkey on your back' because prolonged cocaine use will turn most people into irratic arseholes and deviants as the drug grips the addict 'from behind', while at the same time helping to convince them that they are actually in complete control of everything.

Oh, how I have seen and experienced the worst (and best) of what most drugs can do!

But, i think cigarette addiction is actually worse than having 'a monkey of the back' because it is not so obvious and tends to 'creep up' more slowly and once it takes hold, it grips much more tightly. I dont have to 'sneak around' in private to keep my cigarette addiction going; I can smoke as many as I like in full view of anyone. And yet, while I am doing this, I am just as addicted as the heroin junkie and cocaine snorter. This is a sad hypocrisy of our societies - we condemn some types of drugs and addicts (think about the Taksin 'War on drugs' for example), while at the same time we allow our Governments to reap massive tax profits from tobacco sales. But that is another story.

So, apart from the lifestyle habit withdrawals, what are the symptoms of nicotine withdrawal?

- irritability

- impatience

- hostility

- anxiety

- depressed mood

- difficulty concentrating

- restlessness

- decreased heart rate

- increased appetite or weight gain

I know that i will have to take this one day at a time. I know that the next 2 weeks will be the hardest. I know it will be about 6 months before I am finally over it. I know I can never have even one cigarette ever again. I know that as time passes it will slowly become easier.

I know that I can do this, and I know that I must do this for myself and my life.

And so, i have thrown out all my cigarettes in the house and put away all ashtrays and things which remind me of smoking. I have taken the next 4 days of work.

And I really hope that my beautiful girlfriend can understand and keep faith in me while I do this.

Now the mind-game begins.

Now I will kill this 'monkey on my back' forever.

Cheers.

good luck

So will you quit smoking the same way you were gonna quit TF?

Aum - thanks ja

Nelis - haha....I said I was taking a break from TF. Quitting smoking is life.

Or, are you suggesting that TF is just as addictive? Or just as harmful to health? Hmm....

Ghee - thanks mate.

Hugo - f*cking heaps! haha

tammai so long LOL ><

(ur journal)

Sass.... well... ya know... just rambling.... trying to convince myself of the bleeding obvious... um... is that ok?

Pandorea - pom kow jai jing jing krup. I will try let you know later, but i think its a personal, individual journey (stuggle) we all have to do in our own way. I suppose also, we have to have good enough reasons to stop forever (and not kid ourselves as we do tend to do so well!). For me, turning 50 was part of it. And also, i really do love and adore my gf and, even though I am doing this for myself, she is a huge reason and motive for me this time. I want to be healthy and live as long as possible and also enjoy every moment with her without the 'monkey' smelling, messing things up and getting in the way.

Sounds like a classic midlife crisis, you planning on buying a Harley too?

hahah.... nelis youre really making me laugh tonight.... thanks mate

nah.... done the whole 'mid-life crisis' thing years ago. Am over that now buddy. Got though it without too much pain or embarrassment. You?

midlife crisis?... i think his age is more than that

I think I had mine about 10 years ago too.... I'm 31 now.

now...he is 50....

would you like to count that as the secnd/third midlife crisis of his?

good luck, you are fighting the demon.

You obviously know how difficult it is to stop, and the health benefits of not smoking, so I can only wish you success in stopping. I have never smoked, but a friend used those "Niquitin" things if that is any help.

Yes I really dont understand it at all because I have never smoked...not even tried it, and have never had the slightest wish to try...I would rather eat dog ****....in fact I really hate even to pick up a new pack of cigarettes, and if I do, I feel that I have to wash my hands! No joke.....

I hope you can reach that level of hatred of the filthy, stinking disgusting things... if you can, you will have beaten it forever I hope.

One of my colleagues keeps having to go out of the office every hour or so, and when he returns it's all we can do to breathe without throwing up, the stench is abominable. How the hell anyone could kiss a smoker I cannot imagine - what a revolting thought.

I discovered that my girlfriend (who later became my wife, and now ex) used to smoke a bit - and all I said was that her choice was smoking or me - no compromise - to her credit she gave it up - but I see that the stupid cow went back to smoking after we divorced.

There are no words to adequately describe my hatred of that habit, or the revulsion I feel at the thought of touching a cigarette...but I hope that maybe in a way you will see that I support your effort 100%, and wish you a healthy and long life, free of this horrible affliction.

Greer

"1f you believe... they put a man on the moon"

# ___lallalallah___ #

& {or} no matter what:

w3lcome back P_M

: )

The problem for me has been once I stop smoking, the desire for smoking a cigarette never leaves me. Even months and years later I still will have a sudden craving to smoke a cigarette. And I say to myself, "you can have one, you have stopped for a long time now, you can handle it.' Once I smoke one then the monkey's back, haven't figured out to beat smoking in the long term. The thing is smoking is killing me and i know it. Maybe a support group is the answer, similar to "alcoholics anonymous" for some people like me.

I sure you can stop smoking PeeMarc if you really want too.

P'Marc,

We talked about this our last time seeing each other.

I have started to quit smoking since I've came back to Hawaii.

It has been tough.

I have gotten down to about on average 3 cigs a day now, but it's getting harder everyday.

I am not sure if I will ever quit for good but I am proud of myself in cutting down dramatically.

Hopefully the next time I see you WE can say to each other that we have gotten the monkey off our backs.

But then I am not sure if we will not get drunk together again when we see each other neither )))))

All the best to you mate.

King

good luck!!

My dad used to smoked cigarettes a lot but he's not anymore. I know how hard he tried to quit because i remember when i was in junior high school he asked me to buy for 1 pack then it reduced to 1 cigs a day and it took about a year for him to quit. It makes me proud of him and plus he's a lot healthier and his blood pressure is good.

I know you can stop smoking, you just need to be sure with yourself that you can fight the urge to smoke.

Good Luck..

I'm erecting a shrine on the 19th floor 'Smoker's Sala' in your memory. Good luck dude. I'd keep off the piss a few days if I was u, cause you're likely to be seriously wristy, likewise the cookie jar. Oh, and you better tell the sheila to start showering again cause your sense of smell is gonna come back.

J

Pi Marc

Seems you've got a giant monkey on your back, eh?

Keep fighting..you did it once..and ur gonna do it again !!!!

Kill it!!!

http://www.quitnow.info.au/

Hey Marc this is a pretty good website for quitting smoking I gave up over 10 yrs ago cold turkey never smoked since, didn't put on weight, I gave up because I really wanted to give up!!!! Only "you" know if you want to give up!!

Good luck mate!!!!!!