I’m in changing mode
Entry posted by soda ·
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My life is in changing mode, I no longer work since end of last month. Oct 01, 2010 I went to office to pick up my compensate payment and do little email checking and corresponding. At noon there was a called from a mgr who was at at site work that day telling me to think it over again toward my rush decision which could mean I would regret later on. I was made up my mind so I’m just listen even deep down inside I was fear of changing... On that day before I left the office I walked to GM room to say good bye.
GM: oh, you leaving now?
Me: Yes, and I wanted to say good bye to you.
GM; right, I see you going to settle down, and welcome to hell.
Me: perhaps hell is only for a guy not for girl.
GM: both guy &girl, you think you are in love and make love is fun but relationship is about committed and accepted. And probably you experiencing some plates or stuffs flying in the air in your room.
That day I was back home feeling fear & freak, I don’t know what to do I tried to call my bf twice but no answer and I was thinking maybe he change his mind. Then I called my cousin asking her if I have made a rush decision and asked, should I postpone till next year? She was just said “ I told you to do it quiet like Mrs. Grasshoper, our cousin”
That night I was lay in bed crying, fearing, freaking and thinking all night long and when I woke up in a next day. My bf called at 10 AM said he was hanging over last night and that’s why he can’t answer my call. I was telling him everything of how I feel and what happen, then he told me that “I’m not scare or freak or anything”. Up on hear that it help a lot I’m back to normal again, even though I know he has same feeling but what he said it made my day.
A couple days ago my brother called telling that he be kept lock in a nurse apartment for 2 days and she rape him by force. And he asked me not to tell anyone.
Me: I don’t tell anyone but I shall write a journal which no one know, so don’t worry.
Bro: I use to be a STUD HORSE but now look at me I am treated as if I’m a sex slave, I feel small & insignificant. I was bruised because she squashes me. I have to play dead or picking my nose while she enjoying me. How embarrassed!!!
Me: you have to pay for what you’ve done, remember your past your break their hearts.
Bro: how humiliated to be lured like this, I mean there were 3 girls did this to me. I don’t want sex now I’m under stressed my business is not good now.
I wanted to serve my brother right but I don’t want him feeling so I shut up. I have enough problems too, I think I got migraine due to noisy sound of construction nearby driving me crazy. From 8 to 11 at night the sound of crane, drilling, electrical saw are killing me. I lose my concentrate on reading, watching movies and playing guitar.
I’m a little jumpy these days and yesterday I was received a pm from a friend. Once I read his pm I was in shocked and don’t know what to do, last night I was thinking sometime we have to learn by trading with a high price pay. Its apart of life it’s about live and learnt. Everybody hurts. I feel guilty that I post his pm even though I wanted to help its no good to do such a thing. I remember before that how much he adores his gf and not long this pm is come. So I decided to hide my previous journal because it’d do no one good…forgive me of my impulsive act!!!
One thing that seems to be new to me is I can access internet at my apartment since last night. but I can’t sit in front of pc most of day.
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