After Rob's in formative guide to what headings in women's personal ads really mean, I thought I'd expand the list a bit...    Dictionary For Womens Personal Ads  40ish..............................................49 Adventurous........................................Slept with all your mates Athletic...........................................No TitsAverage looking....................................Has a face like an arse Beautiful..........................................Pathological liar Contagious smile...................................Does a lot of pills Educated...........................................f**ked to death at college Emotionally secure.................................On medication Feminist...........................................Fat Friendship first...................................Former slut/born again virgin Fun................................................Annoying Gentle.............................................Dull

Good listener......................................Autistic New Age............................................Body hair problems Old fashioned......................................No blow jobs or anal Open minded........................................Desperate Outgoing...........................................Loud and embarrassing Passionate.........................................Sloppy drunk Poet...............................................Depressive Professional.......................................***** Romantic...........................................Fridgid Social.............................................Fanny like a clowns pocket Voluptuous.........................................Very fat Large lady.........................................Hugely Fat Wants soulmate.....................................Stalker Widow..............................................Murderer    And the following are some genuine ads from Ministry of Sound Magazine over the years:   ARE YOU AGED 18-30, female, slim build, into hardcore techno, a recent graduate and political activist? If so, **** off. I want a ****-thick 16 year old with no opinions and massive ****. Reply to box xxxx   WERE YOU THE GIRL with braids, blue T-shirt, platform trainers, dancing to the left of the stage during JFK's set at Passion last Friday? I was the guy curled up under the speaker stack. I meant to talk to you but I was hallucinating and I thought you had a wolf's head and flippers. But I'm ok now. Reply to xxxx   ATTENTION ALL MAD clubheads in the Toxteth area going to Cream this weekend. Me and my mates are going to nick all your valuables while you're out because we're thieving scally bastards.  IF YOU ARE a group of around four house fans in the Acton High Street area of West London and you're particularly into old skool Chicago sounds, please turn your stereo down because some of us are ******* trying to get some sleep.   ARE YOU THE TALL BLACK-HAIRED GUY in the black and silver Versace shirt who I shagged in the Ministry toilets about three months ago without any form of birth control? Please write to me. I'd love to hear from you. Just to see how you are and stuff. Don't worry, there's nothing to worry about. Really. It's just that I'm going to have a...ummm...a PARTY! Yes, that's it. A party. Reply xxxx  WANTED: COCAINE. Lots of it. Reply to xxxx  WERE YOU THE man standing three feet away from me at the bar in Fabric, smiling weakly and smelling rather too strongly of Issey Miyake? Because if you look at my **** one more time, I am going to glass you.

Love the ads

me too )

I agree fully with the dictionary

The last one is typical though, I thought women liked it if you look at their ****.....

LOL @ Dictionary part

LMAO

hmmmmm Iain... I read that B4 you didn't credit the source you plagiarist!

>>>>Widow..............................................Murderer<<<<

Hahahaha! Forgot about that one . . . managed to steer clear so far, though . . .

ah, but Vlad, this can not be credited to a single person like the plagiarism I was criticising. But fyi, the place I saw it, which does not necessarily equate as the source, was sickipedia. These jokes were public domain and as such are free to quote, use and disseminate without credit.

: )

ha ha ha

Bah!

Easy going?

I?m Athletic, Educated, Feminist, Fun, Professional and Wants soul mate.

Bruce;

Easy going = will f*ck on first date

Kun; sums you up soooooooooo well lol

Yep, im the woman who knows myself well. LOL

Next time I'm browsing personal ads, there will be a slide show of freaks going through my mind thanks to you... ;-))

Jens - the usual ads you browse are full of freaks anyway!!!!!

I want a soulmate

im an old fashioned and professional...lol.....

great post Iain - plagiarized or otherwise.

would I say it be scary if someone thinks they have dated all of the above on the list..errrrrrrrrrr

would I say it be even scarier for someone to admit to dating any on the list

not me of course this all happened to a poor friend of mine

would I say please pull the trigger - if you look over to your left and it's your significant other thats on the list. double errrrrrrr..

:D I'm on meditation, good listener & old fashioned ja...lol....