Jump to content

Job Adverts...

English_Bob

By English_Bob,
in General Discussion

 Share

Recommended Posts

English_Bob Newbie

English_Bob

Posted
Posted

Hey you!

Do you like blowing whistles?

Do you enjoy sitting down for long periods breathing toxic fumes?

Too stupid to be a policeman?

Then maybe YOU could be a parking attendant!

Uniform and whistle provided... but feel free to customize your uniform with handcuffs, truncheon and other assorted weapons!

No experience necessary - Full training provided!! (knowledge of left and right is preferred, but not essential).

Upon completion of our intensive 10 minute training course, you will be qualified to direct vehicles worth many millions of baht, and to scowl at people who park their cars without assistance.

No need to learn complicated 'whistle languages'... simply make one up of your own and drivers will be forced to understand you.

Simply ask a friend who can write to help you fill in this application and maybe you can become a parking attendant.

Low starting salary and no health care.... But when you leave your job, you can take your pick of any vehicle in the lot!!!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Stramash Newbie

Stramash

Posted
Posted

here's what some of the terms in ads really mean;

Competitive salary:

We remain competitive by paying less than our competitors.

Join our fast-paced company:

We have no time to train you.

Casual work atmosphere:

We don’t pay enough to expect that you’ll dress up-well, a couple of the real daring guys wear earrings.

Must be deadline oriented:

You’ll be six months behind schedule on your first day.

Some overtime required:

Some time each night and some time each weekend.

Duties will vary:

Anyone in the office can boss you around.

Must have an eye for detail:

We have no quality control.

Career-minded:

Female applicants must be childless (and remain that way).

Apply in person:

If you’re old, fat or ugly you’ll be told the position has been filled.

Seeking candidates with a wide variety of experience:

You’ll need it to replace the three people who've just left.

Problem-solving skills a must:

You’re walking into a company in perpetual chaos.

Requires team leadership skills:

You’ll have the responsibilities of a manager, without the pay or respect.

Good communication skills:

Management communicates, you figure out what they want.

:D

Link to comment
Share on other sites
English_Bob Newbie

English_Bob

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Brand New Vacancy for very special candidate.

A vacancy has been created for a top-level managerial economic adviser to the country of Cambodia.

The successful candidate should have experience in all forms of economic development, such as setting up shell companies, tax evasion, dubious auctioneering and embezzlement.

Other useful skills include rabble-rousing, libel, media control, state-sponsored murder and occasional karaoke.

There is no requirement to speak Cambodian language. A degree from a Western University is acceptable even if the candidate can barely string a sentence together in English. Paying other students to write your essays is a further example of the kind of entrepreneurial aptitude this role requires.

The successful candidate should be worldly wise and able to travel frequently to countries with lax extradition laws and visas purchasable via personal connections.

It is essential the candidate has no shame and no sense of the ridiculous in order to make nonsensical press releases with a straight face.

Duties involve stage managing arrests of pawns, toadying to third world dictators, disrupting SE Asian stability and various other duties completely unrelated to economic advice.

Great benefits including preferential investment opportunities, hand-holding photo shoots with other mass-murderers and a bonus structure which MAY include leadership of a nearby country.

If you think you've got what it takes. If you think you can handle the pressure. And if you have exactly the right name, apply now!

Link to comment
Share on other sites
PJack Newbie

PJack

Posted
Posted
Brand New Vacancy for very special candidate.

A vacancy has been created for a top-level managerial economic adviser to the country of Cambodia.

The successful candidate should have experience in all forms of economic development, such as setting up shell companies, tax evasion, dubious auctioneering and embezzlement.

Other useful skills include rabble-rousing, libel, media control, state-sponsored murder and occasional karaoke.

There is no requirement to speak Cambodian language. A degree from a Western University is acceptable even if the candidate can barely string a sentence together in English. Paying other students to write your essays is a further example of the kind of entrepreneurial aptitude this role requires.

The successful candidate should be worldly wise and able to travel frequently to countries with lax extradition laws and visas purchasable via personal connections.

It is essential the candidate has no shame and no sense of the ridiculous in order to make nonsensical press releases with a straight face.

Duties involve stage managing arrests of pawns, toadying to third world dictators, disrupting SE Asian stability and various other duties completely unrelated to economic advice.

Great benefits including preferential investment opportunities, hand-holding photo shoots with other mass-murderers and a bonus structure which MAY include leadership of a nearby country.

If you think you've got what it takes. If you think you can handle the pressure. And if you have exactly the right name, apply now!

the previous candidate was not a bad golfer, either so you may be compared on that par as well

Link to comment
Share on other sites
English_Bob Newbie

English_Bob

Posted
  • Author
Posted

Calling all pretty girls who are not quite pretty enough to be models or actresses!!!

Do you like wearing make-up? Lots of make-up? I mean, could you spend an entire 10 hour shift applying and re-applying make-up to your face?

Well then, why not become a cosmetics sales girl in one of Bangkok's high-end shopping malls?

Qualifications needed - none. Simply a vacant doll-like expression and an unhealthy fascination with cosmetics of all kinds.

White skin is preferred, but not essential as it will be hidden under 3mm of powder. full training will be given on how to avoid all facial expressions which may cause cosmetic-cracking.

This is a challenging role reserved for the very highest quality candidates - no salary, but great opportunities to meet and date sugar daddies from all over the world.

Must be able to get on with the general public - as long as the general public consists only of tourists, bored expat house-wives and Thai wives of the businessmen you have been dating.

Cosmetic salesperson vacancies also exist for ladyboys who don't wish to work full time in the sex industry.

Please send explicit photos instead of an application form to....

Link to comment
Share on other sites
SweetieBabie Newbie

SweetieBabie

Posted
Posted

Do you like wearing make-up? Lots of make-up? I mean, could you spend an entire 10 hour shift applying and re-applying make-up to your face?

Well then, why not become a cosmetics sales girl in one of Bangkok's high-end shopping malls?

Qualifications needed - none. Simply a vacant doll-like expression and an unhealthy fascination with cosmetics of all kinds.

The employees of the one i always go to are

- 80% occupied by male and the rest are females or ladyboys who aren't particularly pretty but prep themselves well.

- They called themselves 'Artists' rather than sales. Taking pride in their job.

- They go through 'professional' training, quite knowledgeable about their products, applications and color theories.

- Their skins are varies according to the brand's mojo "All ages All races All sexes".

- Their incentive is quite high comparable to other brands.

- They are snooty as hell.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
beej Newbie

beej

Posted
Posted

Do you like wearing make-up? Lots of make-up? I mean, could you spend an entire 10 hour shift applying and re-applying make-up to your face?

Well then, why not become a cosmetics sales girl in one of Bangkok's high-end shopping malls?

Qualifications needed - none. Simply a vacant doll-like expression and an unhealthy fascination with cosmetics of all kinds.

The employees of the one i always go to are

- 80% occupied by male and the rest are females or ladyboys who aren't particularly pretty but prep themselves well.

- They called themselves 'Artists' rather than sales. Taking pride in their job.

- They go through 'professional' training, quite knowledgeable about their products, applications and color theories.

- Their skins are varies according to the brand's mojo "All ages All races All sexes".

- Their incentive is quite high comparable to other brands.

- They are snooty as hell.

One lovely lady working in Central Chidlom flashed me her ****, while I was waiting for Pam to try some make up last week.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
English_Bob Newbie

English_Bob

Posted
  • Author
Posted

I was inspired by a wander through Paragon trying to buy a present for my Dad's wife.

Coming down the escalator I saw a pretty girl at the make-up counter. We made eye-contact a couple of times and I thought I'd have a saunter past her counter.

She kept looking over and as I passed she said 'hello' in an unmistakeable ladyboy voice... very cute, small and slim. I was completely convinced until I heard her voice.

Link to comment
Share on other sites
Crustyjuggler Newbie

Crustyjuggler

Posted
Posted
I was inspired by a wander through Paragon trying to buy a present for my Dad's wife.

Coming down the escalator I saw a pretty girl at the make-up counter. We made eye-contact a couple of times and I thought I'd have a saunter past her counter.

She kept looking over and as I passed she said 'hello' in an unmistakeable ladyboy voice... very cute, small and slim. I was completely convinced until I heard her voice.

maybe she just smokes 60 a day

Link to comment
Share on other sites
DANNO Newbie

DANNO

Posted
Posted
I was inspired by a wander through Paragon trying to buy a present for my Dad's wife.

Coming down the escalator I saw a pretty girl at the make-up counter. We made eye-contact a couple of times and I thought I'd have a saunter past her counter.

She kept looking over and as I passed she said 'hello' in an unmistakeable ladyboy voice... very cute, small and slim. I was completely convinced until I heard her voice.

maybe she just smokes 60 a day

or a sultry morning voice Bob...( think on the pillow next to you-- you know Lauren Bacall ) ;)

Link to comment
Share on other sites
LakeGeneve Newbie

LakeGeneve

Posted
Posted
I was inspired by a wander through Paragon trying to buy a present for my Dad's wife.

Coming down the escalator I saw a pretty girl at the make-up counter. We made eye-contact a couple of times and I thought I'd have a saunter past her counter.

She kept looking over and as I passed she said 'hello' in an unmistakeable ladyboy voice... very cute, small and slim. I was completely convinced until I heard her voice.

maybe she just smokes 60 a day

I guess that would be possible given the number of randy guys wandering the make up area each day. (Some of whom claim to be looking for a pressie for their Dad's wife). :wink:

Link to comment
Share on other sites

Please sign in to comment

You will be able to leave a comment after signing in



Sign In Now
 Share
Go to topic listing
×
×
  • Create New...