Since I waiting for my visa I was so anxious because up until now no news from the embassy since they said they will contact later.

My dad & mom keep checking if I still in bkk. this is driving me crazy and make me want to yell at them “you going to die or I will die now†but I try to avoid hurting ppl especially if those ppl are part of my security, but I will go no matter what happen….

I got my last wisdom tooth pulled out on Saturday it was the most painful that I ever had and caused me high fever whole Sunday and Monday and now still headache.

My flight departure is on 23.01.10 I called the agency whether I can postpone my trip to 30.01.10 but there is no flight available up until Feb.15, 2010. Time is pressing but last Friday I’m so happy that I will get visa shortly because Mr. Kiwi has a cousin working in NZ embassy.

I don’t like taking photo much and the pic that I took was only for entertain myself and never plan to make it for applying visa at all coz never thought that I would go anywhere. I was thinking about will I get visa or not and I think of our mail exchange:

Mr. Kiwi: 12.01.10

If they want to see evidence of our relationship print them off all our emails (except pics of your undies lol) Theres nearly 150 emails so far and I think counts as sufficient evidence: P.

Me: 12.01.10

I don’t’ want to show them your hairy chest pic and most of pics I have is not polite hehe..

It is just for personal keeping.

P.S. Don't u think our email exchanges are a bit lame compare to other couple? hehe I just guessing if the consulate read it would be funny (they probably laugh at us) haha...

Mr.Kiwi:13.01.10

As for the pics?, is it any of their business to see, why when you have done everything required for a tourist visa? (Can’t remember you taking one of me naked, half naked?)

And no darling our emails are not lame!, on the contary , I think they're fantastic, enlighting and loving, who cares what other couples are up to hehe.

Me:13.01.10

Think if they ask for our pictures I have no choice but got to show your half naked pics. In the pictures, you look so wild and horny with your hairy chest while I’m look like a dirty whore….haha…. (So shamed!!)

Mr.Kiwi: 14.01.10

I was thinking about the pics , my god surely we don't have to go that far considering they're not the most eloquent pictures. 3 of their staff (include W.) has seen us together so I will take that option and see if it's good enough.

Me 14.01.10

maybe i think too much of your hairy chest to be public...or maybe someone saw that they will enlarge the pic and put on some web link just for entertain themselves that would be gross haha... ok I think i better wait how soon I going to get visa approve. The agency still keeps my flight booking

Mr. Kiwi 14.01.10

OK, I have just sent W. your app No, I notice your paper said "subject to additional relationship evidence", this is where he may be able to help. And no need to submit hairy pics of my chest lol,

Btw, i don't recall you taking those, was I awake at the time?

This morning while I sitting at my room thinking of thing that seem so hard on me, mental & physical hurt since New Year eve and up until now, there was a phone call from my friend:

Friend: Good Morning

Me: Good Morning, how are you? Everything alright with you?

Friend: are you just waked up?

Me: No, I’m not, but I just crying.

Friend: why you are crying?

Me: I was born too long and I feel old.

Friend: C’ Mon

We talked until she told me she wants to make up, and then I went to take the bus to work. And I was crying again on the bus thinking back last year when he said he would be in BKK on July-August 2009 but he couldn’t make it. On my birthday late September I felt I be left alone. And that make me almost break up relationship with him. I ask myself why I seem unfair to him when I’m in a state of insecurity but that is not my fault since he never knows what happen here.

And I use to tell my friends that if we have to break up, it is not because of him but me. Because I don’t know how long I can handle this…. I never thought that would have this distant relationship but when it happens I do my best to make thing work.

At some point of life, no one can fight against destiny….

What am I going to do? my heart is not being here anymore, I want to go but something holding me back.

One of my friends tells me go to Neo coz he can get his staff visa as his comment on my previous journal but they are his staff. And who am I? I met & talk to him couple times long ago and even if I go to him what would I offer in return in case he asks. My Inexperience BJ? Oh noo…nooo....nooo cough cough...

This made me feel that you couldn't eat and lack of asleep..oh dear

There is only matter is the man loves you and he wants you to be with him , Visa is to wait is got to wait . Your anxiety is a killer !

Soda, you gotta learn how to relax !!!

Do some meditation, take up knitting lol

Everything will be alright.

Cheer up , relax or go out for shopping. ^ ^

I always enjoy reading your journals soda.. :-)

Chillax Soda!!

Maybe you would like your Tf friends to view these pics that both of you are concerned about........um just for our opinion only!!

I know how intolerable the wait is. But I am sure u should have a couple of decent exchange or photos that would prove the relationship. Now you have an insider pulling some strings for you, it should be even easier. I wouldn't want to show all my personal e-mail or photos to them, nor I don't think they would be very interested in seeing your private photos as well. I'm sure they have more than a handful of similar case that they have to process.

As for long distance relationship, it's probably the most difficult kind of relationship out there. If you aren't strong enough nor trusting/trustworthy, it will not work. I know how girls are always thinking the worst of everything in life, but if you cannot learn to be optimistic and happy, it would difficult to make this work as well.

Be positive and the positive result will come to you. If you keep thinking the worst, that's what you are gonna get as well. All the best!

Sometimes you gotta cut that "something that is holding you back" and just take a leap. Theres no point in wondering "what if I had done it" for the rest of your life. I fyou try it but dont like it, you can always come home, but at least you you have tried...Hope this helps....even if it doesnt, was an interesting read.:-)

Have a beer, relax.

But stay away from that tequila at Charlie Browns!

You really do not know Neo well Anyway , you know what they say about the fish and the sea....

Soda, don't bank on the consular staff finding yr emails funny, one of the qualifications for being a bureaucrat is not having a sense of humour

Almost there, everything will be alright

Take a deep breath and relax...what will be, it will be...dont torch yourself, calm down.....Ohmmm...enjoy the moment, dont worry too much!

Don't be hopeless my sister nothing is too difficult if your has a strong heart ja ^^

cheeeeeeeeer u up ^^

Jan

Yeah you said you were strong...so be that way SODA...do what you can do

and let life happen!

BTW in the time between we (TFers) can sort out the right pictures for you

(especially the Undies and less photos)...just post them and we wil take a vote!

No more CRYING ....please