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TF is my sanctuary, the place to keep me sane


CuTieGirL

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It has been a while since my last time in TF. I'm trying to be a mature woman who handle things in my own way. But the relationship I'm having is driving me insane. And I feel that I have no other way to express my feelings without TF. Sometime I just want to open the window and scream out on the top of my lung. The worst is I start doubting myself if it's me who is the crazy one? Is it right to feel the way I feel? Will normal people feel the same way I do if they were in my shoes? Is the real problem is just simply "Me"??It was my Birthday yesterday and I ended up fighting with my BF whom I've been dating for over a year. He said I'm not appreciate enough of his effort. He came up with the idea that we should invite my parents over to his place for a cake cutting on Sunday. Of which he claimed he is kind enough to asked me to organized, planned, invited and even paid for it. On top of food and drink at the restaurant, I even go and bought the cake myself. When the time comes, my mom asks me what exactly he did other than just 'provide the place for the event'. I gone blank not knowing what to say. The fact strikes me that I ended up being the one doing everything on my own Bday. I mentioned this to him that I was a little disturb by this and he told me that he would pick me up on Monday and we would go to some place nice for my birthday just me and him. On Monday, once I got in the car, I found out nothing has planned. No restaurant has been reserved or anything. We would 'just drive around Thonglor and stop by some place we feel like eating'. Again, I'm wordless and managed to surf online and find some place casual in Thonglor. He saw me a little upset when we got home and ask why. I told him I just feel a little upset. He turned mad and start saying I'm taking him for granted. He supposed to go out with his colleages for dinner but he opt out to go with me. And I should be appreaciated for his effort. Am I really the demanding *****? I was doing everything for him on his birthday. Was it too much to ask him to just treat me the same way I treat him?  For the comments :Yes....I guess so. Now I know I was just being a real *****. I should just happy for anything he has done for me. Even though it's just a gesture. I start being sorry for him to have to stick with me. Actually, I've done many things for him. I helped him decorate his place, even paid for a few pieces of the furnitures (which he said I can have it after apartment contract expires in 2 years.) I clean all the dirty dishes for him when I saw they were left in the sink. I pay for half of his internet when I only be there on some weekends. I do laundry for him. Clean the house. And all these even when I don't feel like doing. Because when I stop, he starts to say I'm not being considerate and caring enough.

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It has been a while since my last time in TF. I'm trying to be a mature woman who handle things in my own way. But the relationship I'm having is driving me insane. And I feel that I have no other way to express my feelings without TF. Sometime I just want to open the window and scream out on the top of my lung. The worst is I start doubting myself if it's me who is the crazy one? Is it right to feel the way I feel? Will normal people feel the same way I do if they were in my shoes? Is the real problem is just simply "Me"??It was my Birthday yesterday and I ended up fighting with my BF whom I've been dating for over a year. He said I'm not appreciate enough of his effort. He came up with the idea that we should invite my parents over to his place for a cake cutting on Sunday. Of which he claimed he is kind enough to asked me to organized, planned, invited and even paid for it. On top of food and drink at the restaurant, I even go and bought the cake myself. When the time comes, my mom asks me what exactly he did other than just 'provide the place for the event'. I gone blank not knowing what to say. The fact strikes me that I ended up being the one doing everything on my own Bday. I mentioned this to him that I was a little disturb by this and he told me that he would pick me up on Monday and we would go to some place nice for my birthday just me and him. On Monday, once I got in the car, I found out nothing has planned. No restaurant has been reserved or anything. We would 'just drive around Thonglor and stop by some place we feel like eating'. Again, I'm wordless and managed to surf online and find some place casual in Thonglor. He saw me a little upset when we got home and ask why. I told him I just feel a little upset. He turned mad and start saying I'm taking him for granted. He supposed to go out with his colleages for dinner but he opt out to go with me. And I should be appreaciated for his effort. Am I really the demanding *****? I was doing everything for him on his birthday. Was it too much to ask him to just treat me the same way I treat him?  For the comments :Yes....I guess so. Now I know I was just being a real *****. I should just happy for anything he has done for me. Even though it's just a gesture. I start being sorry for him to have to stick with me. Actually, I've done many things for him. I helped him decorate his place, even paid for a few pieces of the furnitures (which he said I can have it after apartment contract expires in 2 years.) I clean all the dirty dishes for him when I saw they were left in the sink. I pay for half of his internet when I only be there on some weekends. I do laundry for him. Clean the house. And all these even when I don't feel like doing. Because when I stop, he starts to say I'm not being considerate and caring enough.

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You do things for someone because you really love them, not because you expect a favor in return.

Never ever buy your own cake or organize your own birthday party. This Thai tradition should be obsolete.

"We would 'just drive around Thonglor and stop by some place we feel like eating'." = sounds good, whats the problem? ... lower your standard you may find a slice of happiness.

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He's using you plain, and simple. He feels no need what so ever to go out of his way to make you happy, especially on your birthday, what a jirk.

You have every right to be upset, and hurt feelings. Then he uses the cop out of you just taking him for granted, when actually it's the other way around. He is just taking you for granted, and not willing to put any effort at all into a working relationshape. Your mother saw this......

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I disagree with the above.

I think from your words that your other half was very selfess in not honoring your time of celebration of your birthday.

You should enjoy your day of happiness in this world and it didn't seem that you did because of your unhappiness of how your partner handled your special day.

Never mind a LDR = Long distance relationship but this is a SDR, I think you need to reaccess your relationship choice.

Happy Birthday to you and wish you the very best of heath always :)

King

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There are many views to this same story... your view (above)... your bf view... and then the views of others who dont have any feelings either way. Somewhere in the middle of all this is the reality.

I would say:

1. Don't do things for your bf if you expect something in return. Doing it should be joy enough for you. He should be same.

2. You both should learn to discuss these things to reach more understanding without using anger or moodiness or sulking.

3. Most relationships don't die from big issues and problems. They usually die from a whole collection of small stupid things like this that never get resolved and just grow bigger and fester.... like a cancer.

Good luck.

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Doesnt sound to me like this relationship is going very far. It all boils down to if you have to make too much compromises to be satisfied with him or not. Are you willing to take the risk to look elsewhere or is he the best you can do?

Its your down decision to make, however its important that you make a decision for or against this relationship in a timely manner, if you put the decision on the waiting list, you'll probably blow up from the inside out sooner or later.

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Look at him.

Look at yourself.

Be honest - is he the best you can do?

Are you happy with him?

Are things getting worse? What will they be like in a year?

If you don't like the answers... Move on. Don't stay in a second rate relationship. It's better to be alone than 'settle' for second best.

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From what you wrote on your journal and it's just your side of the story, my opinion like most of others that you should re think about this person that your partners with.

Something simple as making sure that your partner have a great time in celebrating their birthday is not that how to please.

Wish you the best :)

King

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IMO ... it's better to be happy and alone ... than unhappy in a relationship !!!!

however, if u can be happy in a relationship that's probably better again, but harder to achieve !!

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you've dated him for just over a year which means this is only your first or second birthday that u guys got to celebrate together .... If he couldn't care about it NOW think about what would happen 5 years down the road!

But if you come to the conclusion that you love him and he loves you ....and at the end of the day that is the only thing that matters... Then just bare in mind that you're gonna be stuck with a lazy slag who can't be bothered doing much for you for a while! Then next year throw yourself a party and dont bother inviting him!

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Posted by CuTieGirL [ 13 October 2009 | 3:34PM ]

Thanks...this might be the best advice I ever get. Most of my best friends think that I should just leave him. I still haven't make that decision yet.

....If he's also crap in bed then yep, ditch him.

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He's a bastard. If he starts mentioning how much you should appreciate him, he doesn't really deserve any appreciation.

From your story he didn't do **** to deserve even a simple smile. If he cannot even organize u something special during the first year. I don't wanna think how horrible it would be when it comes to the 3rd year, let alone getting married and spend the rest of your life with his guy.

All the best for you.

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