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Sinsod 2…


soda

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With referred to my last journal over Sinsod which I have google for more info after read Koolbreez’s comment, his comment really impressed me. I never know about sin sod much, but I’ve witnessed some marriage in my town and I think this is what ancestor do. But I need to learn more about Thai Tradition & culture..hehe.  I found out about Sinsod & tong maan. Tong maan is assets which can be ring, gold, condo, car, house, land and the rights valued in monetary. Tong maan is the assets that a man gives to a woman for assurance and promise that he will marry her. And about sin sod, sin sod is same assets as tong maan as aboved but sin sod is for giving to a girl’s parent. I am not sure if sin sod is kept by parents for helping a newly wed…(no specified)…….. but in reality sin sod as I’ve seen never give to a newly wed because food is cost more than sinson…

 

Nowadays, some parents give sinsod to newly wed as a wedding gift. I assumed it was about 20 yrs ago if I’m not wrong there was a high profile whom I think she was an actress or from wealthy family was going to get marry to a guy who was in same social status and sinsod was about 80 M. and the girl’s parents show their spirit by gave it to a newly wed. Then TV, newspapers, radio news and all mass media were talking about the parents. And it becomes popular among wealthy nowadays.

PS. For Geee, sugar husk and Hyper223 over flower and deflower girls I don’t think sinsod price is gona change hehe…..and thanks to Steinar’s comment, you are so sweet.

 

My sinsod….(my sinsod style/big girl’s way of life ….hehehe)

When I was in NZ trip on March 2010. I was telling my bf (which is my husband now just for a record haha) over a friend who was going to marry and her parents ask for 500k sinsod. My bf then started saying that the parents sell their daughter for high price and he went on saying that he knows Thai family who gave daughter without Sinsod. Upon hearing that I thought I need to save up for sinsod myself, even we haven’t talking about marry but I don’t want to be disappointed later on.

 

After back from that trip I was be encourage by friends saying mostly if a girl has visited her bf oversea then no longer she’ll get marry and tell me that I should do something to make my bf propose….and I did, first time when I was about to leave NZ I told him that “my friends told me if I’m not get an engage ring from you, do not go back” he said “don’t think I’m that easy” and I was thinking probably I have to wait for next 2 years to marry. After that I couldn’t stand being tempted by friends so the second resume and my bf gave same answer. Until the third time I mentioned my dad & family then he gave in. wow it work..hahaha….

 

Then he asked when would I want to marry, I told him “I wanted to marry a few days before I’m 40 because I don’t wana be 40 and be single coz it sound creepy hahaha..So we agreed to marry on Sept 19, 2010. My mom said she’ll talk to a monk see if that day is auspicious day. it turn out not a good day so we postponed to Nov 20, 2010 my mom still insist as it is not a day, which I thought I was not gona get a husband because couldn’t find a perfect day. Then the final was Nov 19, 2010. FINALLY I be single and 40 for a couple months!!!! Haha….

 

At first I don’t know how to talk about sinsod with bf because afraid of unkind feedback, but thinking of my boss married to an air hostess whose sinson was 1M but my boss told me her mom agreed to take only 10% which I think it’s fair enough. I don’t care about sinsod but if there is no sinsod my family would be disappoint and hurt and more over what would my family think & feel toward my husband which I couldn’t imagine. However, I want my bf to share our tradition half it would be much appreciate so I’ve made decision to talk to him over sinsod one day.

Me: My sinsod will be 100K and I’ll help you pay half, is that ok?

Bf: OK.

 

When my parents asked how much my sinsod, I told the truth and dad asked me “who is conduct negotiating?” at that moment I think I was going to be 40, I’m not young anymore I have the right & freedom to choose what good for me and I have to be fair to both parties. My parents are my family and my bf is my family too and he is the man that I will stand beside him for better or worse and no matter how much he makes is doesn’t mean he has to pay a large sum to my family. So I answer my dad “I do conducting myself” dad was in silent…..  Mom asks how much I help bf paid sinsod and I tell her the truth, 50K. What I hear was “you must have loved him so much”. I was in silent because I want to cut that short. No matter my decision I made my family must respect me and they do. I have set my family clear where they stand and boundary because I don’t want to have a consequential issues, I have seen and witnessed some family when daughter married a rich guy, the family keep asked the daughter for financial support and it turn out later that her helping is become the family habit & her burden which is never end. Surely argument over family demanding with her husband is on and off, and that’s what I don’t want to see in my lifetime. It doesn’t mean my family is poor but deep down of human nature is greed and selfish. So if you spoiled them they would probably wait only for your helping but do nothing and that mean you cripple them, and it’s probably your fault. This doesn’t mean I don’t help them at all but it depends on the case and how importance.

 

 

Finally, I asked my bf to pay full amount of Sinsod because I have to buy gold for 20k, wedding band 50k, food and miscellaneous at my home town was about 40k. My bf said ok as usual, thanks for made thing simple to me. On Oct & early Nov 2010. I still didn’t prepare anything for wedding. Friends said I should look for wedding dress and pre wedding studio because once in a life time I must be the most beautiful girl..hahaha. I did visit a studio near where I live the owner quote me for 2 traditional wedding dresses + pre wedding photos about 10k and I think its reasonable price. when she ask how much sinsod I get, and after she knew how much, she act as if it is ridiculous and she went on saying that a 29 years old girl, who is her client got sinsod from her husband to be, a 60 years old guy from England for 1M baht. She then told me to ask fore more from my bf because he is a farang he can afford more than 100k and this price is for Thai only and even some Thai can afford more…. She’s very talkative and I let she go on telling over and over. But once my wedding day was closer I went to Prakanong fresh market bought Thai traditional dress cost me 700 baht and I paid for resize 40 baht. And that’s it…hehe…

Last week mom told me that people gossiping in village that I got a kii nok husband. I happy that my parents doesn’t care of what ppl remark or grudge but they seem more satisfied that their daughter was finally sold out..Hehe… when one has a decent partner, apparently it’s a part of life success ….

 

I really relaxing these days because first my family relieved that I’m married and things went smoothly once meet the parents, second I don’t have to worry about my family’s concern that I’m single anymore, third, I’m married a man by chemistry….. And forth, we are at same age gap. My wedding went smoothly and we have a small blessing ceremony in my home town and small TF thank you party in Bkk. My husband doesn’t want to have a big party but said once married reach 5 years he’ll set a big celebration, which I couldn’t agree more. On a day we went to register office we saw couples who sign divorce and couples who sign marriage were almost same number that day. Bloody Hell!!!! 

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With referred to my last journal over Sinsod which I have google for more info after read Koolbreez’s comment, his comment really impressed me. I never know about sin sod much, but I’ve witnessed some marriage in my town and I think this is what ancestor do. But I need to learn more about Thai Tradition & culture..hehe.  I found out about Sinsod & tong maan. Tong maan is assets which can be ring, gold, condo, car, house, land and the rights valued in monetary. Tong maan is the assets that a man gives to a woman for assurance and promise that he will marry her. And about sin sod, sin sod is same assets as tong maan as aboved but sin sod is for giving to a girl’s parent. I am not sure if sin sod is kept by parents for helping a newly wed…(no specified)…….. but in reality sin sod as I’ve seen never give to a newly wed because food is cost more than sinson…

 

Nowadays, some parents give sinsod to newly wed as a wedding gift. I assumed it was about 20 yrs ago if I’m not wrong there was a high profile whom I think she was an actress or from wealthy family was going to get marry to a guy who was in same social status and sinsod was about 80 M. and the girl’s parents show their spirit by gave it to a newly wed. Then TV, newspapers, radio news and all mass media were talking about the parents. And it becomes popular among wealthy nowadays.

PS. For Geee, sugar husk and Hyper223 over flower and deflower girls I don’t think sinsod price is gona change hehe…..and thanks to Steinar’s comment, you are so sweet.

 

My sinsod….(my sinsod style/big girl’s way of life ….hehehe)

When I was in NZ trip on March 2010. I was telling my bf (which is my husband now just for a record haha) over a friend who was going to marry and her parents ask for 500k sinsod. My bf then started saying that the parents sell their daughter for high price and he went on saying that he knows Thai family who gave daughter without Sinsod. Upon hearing that I thought I need to save up for sinsod myself, even we haven’t talking about marry but I don’t want to be disappointed later on.

 

After back from that trip I was be encourage by friends saying mostly if a girl has visited her bf oversea then no longer she’ll get marry and tell me that I should do something to make my bf propose….and I did, first time when I was about to leave NZ I told him that “my friends told me if I’m not get an engage ring from you, do not go back” he said “don’t think I’m that easy” and I was thinking probably I have to wait for next 2 years to marry. After that I couldn’t stand being tempted by friends so the second resume and my bf gave same answer. Until the third time I mentioned my dad & family then he gave in. wow it work..hahaha….

 

Then he asked when would I want to marry, I told him “I wanted to marry a few days before I’m 40 because I don’t wana be 40 and be single coz it sound creepy hahaha..So we agreed to marry on Sept 19, 2010. My mom said she’ll talk to a monk see if that day is auspicious day. it turn out not a good day so we postponed to Nov 20, 2010 my mom still insist as it is not a day, which I thought I was not gona get a husband because couldn’t find a perfect day. Then the final was Nov 19, 2010. FINALLY I be single and 40 for a couple months!!!! Haha….

 

At first I don’t know how to talk about sinsod with bf because afraid of unkind feedback, but thinking of my boss married to an air hostess whose sinson was 1M but my boss told me her mom agreed to take only 10% which I think it’s fair enough. I don’t care about sinsod but if there is no sinsod my family would be disappoint and hurt and more over what would my family think & feel toward my husband which I couldn’t imagine. However, I want my bf to share our tradition half it would be much appreciate so I’ve made decision to talk to him over sinsod one day.

Me: My sinsod will be 100K and I’ll help you pay half, is that ok?

Bf: OK.

 

When my parents asked how much my sinsod, I told the truth and dad asked me “who is conduct negotiating?” at that moment I think I was going to be 40, I’m not young anymore I have the right & freedom to choose what good for me and I have to be fair to both parties. My parents are my family and my bf is my family too and he is the man that I will stand beside him for better or worse and no matter how much he makes is doesn’t mean he has to pay a large sum to my family. So I answer my dad “I do conducting myself” dad was in silent…..  Mom asks how much I help bf paid sinsod and I tell her the truth, 50K. What I hear was “you must have loved him so much”. I was in silent because I want to cut that short. No matter my decision I made my family must respect me and they do. I have set my family clear where they stand and boundary because I don’t want to have a consequential issues, I have seen and witnessed some family when daughter married a rich guy, the family keep asked the daughter for financial support and it turn out later that her helping is become the family habit & her burden which is never end. Surely argument over family demanding with her husband is on and off, and that’s what I don’t want to see in my lifetime. It doesn’t mean my family is poor but deep down of human nature is greed and selfish. So if you spoiled them they would probably wait only for your helping but do nothing and that mean you cripple them, and it’s probably your fault. This doesn’t mean I don’t help them at all but it depends on the case and how importance.

 

 

Finally, I asked my bf to pay full amount of Sinsod because I have to buy gold for 20k, wedding band 50k, food and miscellaneous at my home town was about 40k. My bf said ok as usual, thanks for made thing simple to me. On Oct & early Nov 2010. I still didn’t prepare anything for wedding. Friends said I should look for wedding dress and pre wedding studio because once in a life time I must be the most beautiful girl..hahaha. I did visit a studio near where I live the owner quote me for 2 traditional wedding dresses + pre wedding photos about 10k and I think its reasonable price. when she ask how much sinsod I get, and after she knew how much, she act as if it is ridiculous and she went on saying that a 29 years old girl, who is her client got sinsod from her husband to be, a 60 years old guy from England for 1M baht. She then told me to ask fore more from my bf because he is a farang he can afford more than 100k and this price is for Thai only and even some Thai can afford more…. She’s very talkative and I let she go on telling over and over. But once my wedding day was closer I went to Prakanong fresh market bought Thai traditional dress cost me 700 baht and I paid for resize 40 baht. And that’s it…hehe…

Last week mom told me that people gossiping in village that I got a kii nok husband. I happy that my parents doesn’t care of what ppl remark or grudge but they seem more satisfied that their daughter was finally sold out..Hehe… when one has a decent partner, apparently it’s a part of life success ….

 

I really relaxing these days because first my family relieved that I’m married and things went smoothly once meet the parents, second I don’t have to worry about my family’s concern that I’m single anymore, third, I’m married a man by chemistry….. And forth, we are at same age gap. My wedding went smoothly and we have a small blessing ceremony in my home town and small TF thank you party in Bkk. My husband doesn’t want to have a big party but said once married reach 5 years he’ll set a big celebration, which I couldn’t agree more. On a day we went to register office we saw couples who sign divorce and couples who sign marriage were almost same number that day. Bloody Hell!!!! 

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Congratulations again...and I'm glad that he was able to understand the whole idea of Sin Sod.

I paid a dowry to marry Jeab, and her parents gave it back to us the next day. Also, Jeab's best friend lent us a bunch of gold, which we showed at the ceremony and then gave back to her friend.

I don't like the idea of Sin Sod, but I'm willing to let down my guard here and there when it comes to important cultural differences.

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I didn't talk about sinsod much, and we both kinda ignore all traditions, those who came to our wedding kinda seen that, but some families here take it pretty seriously still.... negotiations... scary!

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What a hoot! I absolutely love the way you can lay your soul bare - I admire you for that courage. I think that regardless of what anyone thinks about Sin Sod, NZ man got a great deal! I wish you both much happiness and love.

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I don;t like when people in the village talks about how much each one of them get from their farang ...I always tell my family that it's not about the money but the love he gaves me . I'll have more in the long run anyway! LOL

I always stand for a man side and ignored this Sinsot stuff against my parent , I made the first huge mistakes by doing so at my teenager life but I have no regret for a father of my child although there was no wedding but in the future I will make it right for everyone which mean there will be Sinsod from him and my input too...

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It depends on each type of person and character how much 'sin sod' they are willing to pay for their future wife.

Some people earn a lot and give a lot and don't expect anything back.

Some people earn a lot and give a lot and expect something back.

Some people earn a lot and give a lot and expect everything back.

Some people earn a lot and give just a small amount but don't expect anything back.

Some people earn a lot and give just a small amount and expect everything back.

Some people earn less and give less and expect it all or nothing back.

Some people earn less and give all they can afford and expect nothing back.

etc...

Every girl must decide on her own whether the agreed solution and circumstances satisfy her or not also if she thinks that the marriage will go far with that type of character or not.

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SODA you are a wise one darling! and I believe Mr. Kiwi must be also...

Rob's experience makes sense too ( thanks for sharing, ROb & Chris)

well as always ...I learned something new: I keep hearing "creepy!"

...could it be because I am over 40 and single!! O___o

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Good journal as usual Soda... I went back to read part one first.

I think your husband has chosen a funny but sensible girl.

No-one should listen to the gossip from the neighbours in your village... After all... Who listens to the Village People nowadays? lol

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her family was so glad to see her married to a decent guy, they PAID ME in the end.

or perhaps better to say they invested in our future which I thought was a universal wish from all family members, parents in particular.

truth be told... there was money exchanged but I knew nothing of amounts or from where it was produced. All I know is that everyone was made whole by the next day. the Sinsot was just a show in our case. and apparently I did not need to be shown.

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Another good journal Soda. I understand your dad's comment of "who is conduct negotiate?". That is the only part you broke tradition with.....lolol. You negotiated your own sinsot. That is very independant on your part. The important part is that you are happy, and your parents are happy. The rest of the community will never be happy (then they can not gossip)....lolol.

I can fully understand all the gossip. That is so typical, even if you were marrying a Thai they would still gossip about the amount of the sinsot....lolol. They just love to gossip.

My friend, and his wife, are always in the position of having to decide what is good to give money for, and what is not good. There was one incident when her dad wanted to get a new truck, he didn't really need it, but he'd came up with an idea to make extra money if he had one. So my friend's wife started saving her money to buy dad a new truck. They get to Thailand, and come to find out that dad has never had a drivers license so he could not register the new truck if they bought him one, and he couldn't start his new idea of a business without a drivers license. The other part that stopped getting the new truck was that he could not read, or write (he never went to school), so he could not take the drivers license test. That ended getting the new truck episode.

Your parents sound like very understanding parents, and not out to take advantage of your marriage, but as with all parents, they can use help at times, and as you know, it is your responsibility to decide what is good, and what is not. I respect you for your understabding of this Soda.

You two are going to have a long happy life together. Now just wait until your mom starts asking about grand kids....hehehe

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Since I decided to have farang boyfriend, always knew and prepare if we ever gonna get marry in Thai way I will have to save up for my own sinsod.

Fortunately, my family kinda know that I'm someone who is way too strange to have traditional wedding.

If I will have a wedding, party will be glitter, glamorous, as gay as it can get.

Come to think about it, no wonder Thai guys always ran as far as they can once they get to know me. hahaha

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if someone marry with me my mum and my dad will give him 2 cows hehehe dont worry :P hahahha ^^ i happy to read ur journal na ja P Soda^^ Sinsod & tong maan cant compare with someone to grow old with u ka :D

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Soda---your last journal was magnificent in discussing such sensitive issues and your reaction and reasoning toward your marriage and life. I admire and respect what you did and how you accomplished the compromise with common sense and love.

I am proud of you and believe that you found a wonderful man who loves you and that is the most important part of any married life.

PS---Your grammar is getting better also.

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Soda - I think Mr Kiwi is a very lucky man, both to be married to you and having your parents as in laws.

Then, you are also very fortunate to be marrying one of the worlds best - a Kiwi man.

All the best for the future.

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