British or American Men: Whose Hotter?

[Stramash]

We all know that American guys are hotter, but there was some argument along the ladies.

Cons American:

Loud,

Fat,

Cheap

Pros:

Big Hats?

Cons Brits:

Bad Teeth,

Proper English,

Snooty

Pros:

??? are there any?

Sorry Aussies but we cant even include you in this because of your criminal background...

ahem, don't lump us wonderful Scots in with those southern nancy boys!!!

:twisted: :wink:

right coz northern nancy boys are different.

ahem, that's McNancy boys to you.

:twisted:

[CherieAtwood]

To the citizens of the United States of America, we hereby give notice of the revocation of your independence, effective today.

Her Sovereign Majesty Queen Elizabeth II will resume monarchical duties over all states, commonwealths and other territories. Except Utah, which she does not fancy. Your new prime minister (The Right Honourable Godon Brown, MP for the 97.85% of you who have until now been unaware that there is a world outside your borders) will appoint a minister for America without the need for further elections. Congress and the Senate will be disbanded. A questionnaire will be circulated next year to determine whether any of you noticed. To aid in the transition to a British Crown Dependency, the following rules are introduced with immediate effect:

1. You should look up revocation in the Oxford English Dictionary. Then look up aluminium. Check the pronunciation guide. You will be amazed at just how wrongly you have been pronouncing it. The letter 'U' will be reinstated in words such as 'favour' and 'neighbour', skipping the letter 'U' is nothing more than laziness on your part. Likewise, you will learn to spell 'doughnut' without skipping half the letters. You will end your love affair with the letter 'Z' (pronounced 'zed' not 'zee') and the suffix ize will be replaced by the suffix ise. You will learn that the suffix 'burgh' is pronounced 'burra' e.g. Edinburgh. You are welcome to respell Pittsburgh as 'Pittsberg' if you can't cope with correct pronunciation.

Generally, you should raise your vocabulary to acceptable levels. Look up vocabulary. Using the same twenty seven words interspersed with filler noises such as "like" and "you know" is an unacceptable and inefficient form of communication. Look up interspersed. There will be no more 'bleeps' in the Jerry Springer show. If you're not old enough to cope with bad language then you shouldn't have chat shows. When you learn to develop your vocabulary then you won't have to use bad language as often.

2. There is no such thing as "US English". We will let Microsoft know on your behalf. The Microsoft spell-checker will be adjusted to take account of the reinstated letter 'u' and the elimination of -ize.

3. You should learn to distinguish the English and Australian accents. It really isn't that hard. English accents are not limited to cockney,upper-class twit or Mancunian (Daphne in Frasier). You will also have to learn how to understand regional accents - Scottish dramas such as Taggart will no longer be broadcast with subtitles. While we're talking about regions, you must learn that there is no such place as Devonshire in england. The name of the county is Devon. If you persist in calling it Devonshire, all American States will become shires e.g. Texasshire, Floridashire, Louisianashire.

4. Hollywood will be required occasionally to cast English actors as the good guys. Hollywood will be required to cast English actors to play English characters. British sit-coms such as Men Behaving Badly or Red Dwarf will not be re-cast and watered down for a wishy-washy American audience who can't cope with the humour of occasional political incorrectness.

5. You should relearn your original national anthem, God Save The Queen but only after fully carrying out task 1. We would not want you to get confused and give up half way through.

6. You should stop playing American football. There is only one kind of football. What you refer to as American football is not a very good game. The 2.15% of you who are aware that there is a world outside your borders may have noticed that no one else plays American football. You will no longer be allowed to play it, and should instead play proper football. Initially, it would be best if you played with the girls. It is a difficult game. Those of you brave enough will, in time, be allowed to play rugby (which is similar to American "football", but does not involve stopping for a rest every twenty seconds or wearing full kevlar body armour like nancies). We are hoping to get together at least a US Rugby sevens side by 2005. You should stop playing baseball. It is not reasonable to host an event called the 'World Series' for a game which is not played outside of America.* Since only 2.15% of you are aware that there is a world beyond your borders, your error is understandable. Instead of baseball, you will be allowed to play a girls' game called rounders, which is baseball without the fancy team strip, oversized gloves, collector cards or hotdogs.

*QUICK NOTE: Baseball is, in fact, a popular sport in Japan and its surrounding countries. However, as their teams are never invited to partake in the 'World Series', your point still stands.*

7. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry guns. You will no longer be allowed to own or carry anything more dangerous in public than a vegetable peeler. Because we don't believe you are sensible enough to handle potentially dangerous items, you will require a permit if you wish to carry a vegetable peeler in public.

8. July 4th is no longer a public holiday. November 2nd will be a new national holiday, but only in england. It will be called Indecisive Day.

9. All American cars are hereby banned. They are crap and it is for your own good. When we show you German cars, you will understand what we mean. All road intersections will be replaced with roundabouts. You will start driving on the left with immediate effect. At the same time, you will go metric with immediate effect. Roundabouts and metrication will help you understand the British sense of humour.

10. You will learn to make real chips. Those things you call French fries are not real chips. Fries aren't even French, they are Belgian; though 97.85% of you (including the guy who discovered fries while in Europe) are not aware of a country called Belgium. Those things you insist on calling potato chips are actually called crisps. Real chips are thickly cut and fried in animal fat. The traditional accompaniment to chips is beer which should be served warm and flat. Waitresses will be trained to be more aggressive with customers.

11. As a sign of penance, 5 grams of sea salt per cup will be added to all tea made within the Commonwealth of Massachusetts. This quantity is to be doubled for tea made within the city of Boston itself.

12. The cold tasteless stuff you insist on calling beer is not actually beer at all; it is lager. From November 1st only proper British Bitter will be referred to as beer, and European brews of known and accepted provenance will be referred to as lager. The substances formerly known as American beer will henceforth be referred to as 'Near-Frozen Knat's Urine,' with the exception of the product of the American Budweiser company whose product will be referred to as 'Weak, Near-Frozen Knat's Urine.' This will allow true Budweiser (as manufactured for the last 1000 years in Pilsen, Czech Republic) to be sold without risk of confusion.

13. From November 10th, the UK will harmonise petrol (or Gasoline, as you will be permitted to keep calling it until April 1st 2005) prices with the former USA. The UK will harmonise its prices to those of the former USA and the Former USA will, in return, adopt UK petrol prices (roughly $6/US gallon- get used to it).

14. You will learn to resolve personal issues without using guns, lawyers or therapists. The fact that you need so many lawyers and therapists shows that you're not adult enough to be independent. Guns should only be handled by adults. If you're not adult enough to sort things out without suing someone or speaking to a therapist, then you're not grown up enough to handle a gun.

15. Please tell us who killed JFK; it's been driving us crazy.

16. Tax collectors from Her Majesty's Government will be with you shortly to ensure the acquisition of all revenues due (backdated to 1776).

Thank you for your co-operation and have a great day.

John Cleese (with slight amendments - look it up in the dictionary as you seem unable to understand what this word means either, particularly with reference to your constitution)

mate, do I bloody have to read all this ****?! :shock:

[Stramash]

yes

[CherieAtwood]

yes

No :oops:

[Hugo]

No sheep option?

[Hugo]

Oh, I'm loud. Not all the time...but I am one loud SOB. Ask around...lol

But I've never been louder than Khanitta.

:?: :?: :?:

[CherieAtwood]

Oh, I'm loud. Not all the time...but I am one loud SOB. Ask around...lol

But I've never been louder than Khanitta.

:?: :?: :?:

Woah :?: :shock:

[Mister Moobs]

No sheep option?

[Mister Moobs]

Oh, I'm loud. Not all the time...but I am one loud SOB. Ask around...lol

But I've never been louder than Khanitta.

:?: :?: :?:

She snores...

[beej]

Oh, I'm loud. Not all the time...but I am one loud SOB. Ask around...lol

But I've never been louder than Khanitta.

:?: :?: :?:

She snores...

Why, cos her nose is blocked?

[biachung]

No sheep option?

Get it right!, more like 10 to 1

[SweetieBabie]

American + Doggie style + Vocal

[Dave40]

Sorry Aussies but we cant even include you in this because of your criminal background...

Hey that is discriminatory and unfair criminals have feelings you know I was really hungry when I stole that loaf of bread!!!!

[RichGiRL]

Harry Potter The Hotter

[PSA]

.... and there I was worried about my disastrous first tentative Forum Threads I created.

[digitalcat]

.... and there I was worried about my disastrous first tentative Forum Threads I created.

LOL its a response to them anyway.

OK so we have American in the lead as I expected. Closely followed by the result that I should take meds when I have high fever rather than post new topics.

While the Brits and Thai men are still closely tied on the bottom.

Continuing with the conversation:

Why has no one refuted the fat accusation? Have American men all accepted their own obtusity?

[Neo]

the only British programme which has managed to be remade and still contain around 50% of the original humour was The Office; it still fell wayyyyyy short of the original, but compared to some of the other p*ss poor attempts over the years, it is brilliant!!

That could be something to do with tha fact that Ricky Gervais and Stephen Merchant are Producers on the US version and even wrote one episode.

[Admin_2]

.... and there I was worried about my disastrous first tentative Forum Threads I created.

LOL its a response to them anyway.

OK so we have American in the lead as I expected. Closely followed by the result that I should take meds when I have high fever rather than post new topics.

While the Brits and Thai men are still closely tied on the bottom.

Continuing with the conversation:

Why has no one refuted the fat accusation? Have American men all accepted their own obtusity?

We are definitely a fat people...there is no doubt about that. But the Brits also have their fatties too! All that fish and chips will do it to the waist line.

[pluggy]

A funny, humoric story. I enjoyed really, Im_A_Bitch

[Mister Moobs]

the fat thing is simply not offensive

what's fat?

If you had written obese, perhaps some would have bothered with a refutation. I've seen just as many fat euros in Thailand as Americans. Pot bellied Germans and Brits slobbering all over Na Na Plaza.

As a matter of fact, I've seen more fat Euros than Americans. Primarily because there are more Euros tamping around Southeast Asia than Americans.

Fitness is a craze that started in America. There is a gym every 3 blocks in every major city in America. Now go rural and you get softer but only in the trailer parks. Farmers are usually fairly frugal and fit.

It's not a stereotype that really fits.

Now Brit and bad teeth. Well...you're on to something there. American and Loud. Hell Yes! Why shouldn't we be. **** being polite and quiet when we're having fun. There's a time and a place for everything.

What pisses me off are the Americans who will sit on a Temple site in the most picturesque place and sit and sit and sit as if they think that no one minds. Fuckin' idiots.

I always hope that they're Canucks or French. No one really likes them anyway.

[Stramash]

the fat thing is simply not offensive

what's fat?

If you had written obese, perhaps some would have bothered with a refutation. I've seen just as many fat euros in Thailand as Americans. Pot bellied Germans and Brits slobbering all over Na Na Plaza.

As a matter of fact, I've seen more fat Euros than Americans. Primarily because there are more Euros tamping around Southeast Asia than Americans.

Fitness is a craze that started in America. There is a gym every 3 blocks in every major city in America. Now go rural and you get softer but only in the trailer parks. Farmers are usually fairly frugal and fit.

It's not a stereotype that really fits.

Now Brit and bad teeth. Well...you're on to something there. American and Loud. Hell Yes! Why shouldn't we be. f*ck being polite and quiet when we're having fun. There's a time and a place for everything.

What pisses me off are the Americans who will sit on a Temple site in the most picturesque place and sit and sit and sit as if they think that no one minds. f*ckin' idiots.

I always hope that they're Canucks or French. No one really likes them anyway.

There is no doubt that the US leads the world obesity tables (though the UK is not that far behnind) but rather than using it as something to criticise, it should be regarded as very worrying especially considering the attached health costs and the rise in assosciated type 2 diabetes.

And it is not a problem of the Western world only.

"The problem is global and increasingly extends into the developing world; for example, in Thailand the prevalence of obesity in 5-to-12 year olds children rose from 12.2% to 15-16% in just two years."

(from WHO)

[Admin_2]

I have noticed a fair amount of little fatties wobbling around here lately...

:roll:

[Neo]

"The problem is global and increasingly extends into the developing world; for example, in Thailand the prevalence of obesity in 5-to-12 year olds children rose from 12.2% to 15-16% in just two years."

(from WHO)

From McD's and KFC... that's WHO.

:wink:

[Stramash]

"The problem is global and increasingly extends into the developing world; for example, in Thailand the prevalence of obesity in 5-to-12 year olds children rose from 12.2% to 15-16% in just two years."

(from WHO)

From McD's and KFC... that's WHO.

:wink:

exactly Neo - a good, and amusingly put point!!

[zeusbheld]

"The problem is global and increasingly extends into the developing world; for example, in Thailand the prevalence of obesity in 5-to-12 year olds children rose from 12.2% to 15-16% in just two years."

(from WHO)

From McD's and KFC... that's WHO.

:wink:

more to it than that though. fried chicken on every street corner is way better than kfc (and as fattening). a lot of thai foods aren't exactly health foods; i'm speculating a bit but a big part of what has kept thais relatively skinny until recently is that the diet consisted of mostly rice. city people eat more of those little fried starch balls, etc. and tend to pack some meat as a result...