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What's your pornstar name? either you can use this tool http://gangstaname.com/names/porn or you can name your own.... Ritzy Fanny

I always love overhearing little snippets of conversations. Here are some of the favorite things I've overheard in Thailand or ran across on the interwebs. . . . What are yours?

How about the collective wit of TF share their best jokes - then we don't have to remember them... we can get them here! OK Here goes.... A man goes home with a duck under his arm. His wife meets him at the door and he say, "Darling, this is the pig I've been f#cking." His wife says, "That's not a pig, it's a duck." He replies, "I wasn't talking to you!"

Make your own e-cards and make some people laugh. Ever seen those e-cards and think that you can make something funnier? Head to http://www.someecards.com/usercards/create create your cards and share! Show us some love and put thailandfriends.com on it so that we can take all the credit for it...yeah!

http://www.dumpert.nl/mediabase/561161/b2895295/inparkeren_doe_je_zeau.html BLONDE women drivers...

Maybe this has been done before but lets share some dirty jokes. Superman is out flying around and being a bit bored. With his superyeys he spots superwoman in her bedroom naked and with her lags wide apart. He gets extremely horny and figures that since he is superman he can fly in there and f*ck her with superspeed so fast she wont even see him. He aims for the bedroom and fly in there and do her so fast nobody can see him. Superwoman screams:what the hell was that The invisible man say I dont have a clue but suddenly my ass burns as hell.

:roll: :? :roll: :?

plz share your to me for god sake.

I laughed, how about you?

>CHINESE PROVERBS > >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Virginity like bubble, one prick, all gone. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who run in front of car get tired. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who run behind car get exhausted. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man with hand in pocket feel cocky all day. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Foolish man give wife grand piano, wise man give wife upright organ. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man with one chopstick go hungry. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who scratch behind should not bite fingernails. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who eat many prunes get good run for money. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Baseball is wrong: man with four balls cannot walk. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Panties not best thing on earth! But next to best thing on earth. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >War does not determine who is right, war determine who is left. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Wife who put husband in doghouse soon find him in cat house. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who fight with wife all day get no piece at night. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >It take many nails to build crib, but one screw to fill it. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who drive like hell, bound to get there. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who stand on toilet is high on pot. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who live in glass house should change clothes in basement. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who fish in other man's well often catch crabs. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Man who toot in church sit in own pew. >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~* >Crowded elevator smell different to midget >*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*~*

Walk around Bangkok and you're bound to hear some strange conversations. I was having dinner tonight, and I said something that made me think of making this thread. I have no idea what I'm eating right now, but damn it tastes good. What are some funny, strange, or simply outrageous quotes or conversations you've heard in Thailand?

As is customary on April 1st of each year many websites post fake products, news, or play a joke on their users. Found any good ones? Kodak Relationshiffft WSOP Adds New Event, Strip Poker Who's got some?

Pick the month you were born: January- I murdered February- I slapped March- I had sex with April- I looked at May- I masturbated with June- I slept with July- I laughed at August- I stabbed September- I shot October- I made love to November- I wrestled December- I crapped Now pick the day of your birth 1. A prostitute 2. Your boyfriend/girlfriend 3. A Woman with HIV 4.A sexy Girl 5. Santa Clause 6. A playboy bunny 7. A married mom 8. My stuffed bunny 9. Your mom 10. The Easter Bunny 11. A football player 12. The devil 13. An asian 14. My teacher 15. The Rock 16. A DVD player 17. A porn Star 18. The phone 19. My computer 20. Your house 21. The tape measurer 22. The Lamp 23. The pope 24. Governor Swartenegar 25. Mr. Incredible 26. A transvestite 27. A pencil sharpener 28. Your hot sister 29. George Bush 30. A tape recorder 31. The printer Now the THIRD letter of your LAST name A- Because I like chocolate B- Because I was bored C- Because my pants were on too tight D- Because Fruit cakes fly E- Because my heart is two sizes too small F- Because I didnt get any presents for Christmas G- Because I like eggs H- Because the world will end tomorrow I- Because I slit my wrists J- Because I dont have a bf/gf K- Because I like football L- Because I was high M- Because I was drunk N- Because my mom told me to O- Because I am a homosexual P- Because Im lonely Q- Because my parents fight a lot R- Because Im horny S- Because I want to commit suicide T- Because I hate school U- Because I need to masturbate V- Because I love slumber parties W- Because it calms me X- Because I like brownies Y- Because I like to spoon Z- Because I was drunk Repost with what you got as the title!

So this app that I got is pretty fun. I'm going to use it to poke fun at a few friends...If you want me to fatten your pic, just send me a shot of you (no side profile shots), and I'll post it here. Here are a few to start... Warning: If some female members type out "Oh! Do me! Do me!" don't be surprised if you get a knock at your door.

will post a new picture every three days. funniest caption wins absolutely nothing. numero uno; :twisted:

"I love the mountains..."

No, not those sick puppies. These ones. I'm feeling all magnanimous and takey care of towards sick puppies tonight. If anyone has any sick puppies that need taking care of tonight drop me a PM. I'm only 30 minutes away. (I could dress up if necessary )

In honor of Kennon losing his hundredth mobile phone here in Thailand, I thought it might be nice if we could help him out in locating it. Your mission: Post photos of places where Kennon's latest phone may have disappeared to.

I'm sure we've all had our share of unusual dating experiences. Whether it be something you did, the other person did, or just something out of both of your control. Back in the US: My friend had a bachelor party out in Vegas and we ended up at a strip club (hard to imagine in Vegas, huh?) I end up talking to one of the girls who tells me she's from Los Angeles too and she only comes out to Vegas on the weekends to make money for college. It also comes out that she lives about a block away from a good friend of mine. Anyway, end of the night comes and she asks if she can get in touch with me back in LA. I figure she's angling for a bigger tip and hand her my business card never expecting to hear from her again. Around 5am I get a phone call from her in my hotel room (I guess I had mentioned the hotel I was staying at) and she said her and a bunch of the girls from the strip club were out partying and she wanted to know if I wanted to join. As tempting as that might sound, it just didn't sound right. Something seemed fishy. Besides, I had a poker tournament to play in at 10am so I didn't think I was going to improve my chances of winning any money by heading out to meet a bunch of coked up strippers at 5am. I don't hear from her again while I'm in Vegas. About 2 weeks later she calls and asks if we can go grab dinner one night. Sure, what the hell? So I agree to pick her up at her place in Malibu. When I get there she's still getting ready and invites me in. The apartment doesn't have a single piece of furniture. No couch, no chairs, no tables, nothing. So I lean against the wall while she disappears into her bedroom to finish getting ready. A few minutes later she walks out holding up two blouses. And she has no top on. Definite yellow card offense going on :-) She asks me which blouse I prefer and I'm not sure which one I picked because it made no difference to me :-) We head up to this little posh restaurant in Malibu overlooking the ocean and almost immediately she starts getting bitchy with the waitress. I politely ask her to tone it down a bit and when the waitress comes back she starts making a huge scene. Now, I'm slumped down in my chair covering my face as the two of them bicker and then she gets a phone call. I finish my drink and order another as she keeps on yapping away for about another 15 minutes. At this point, between the phone call, fighting with the waitress, and some random crazy stuff she said to me on the way to the restaurant (really freaky kind of scary crazy stuff), I'm totally ready to end this as quickly as possible. She gets off the phone and says there's some sort of car show in Vegas and they want her to fly out to be a booth/PR girl. Thank god! I've got my out. So we finish up our drinks, I drive her back to her place so she can pick up some stuff, and then I'm racing down PCH to take her down to LAX so she can get on the next flight. As we're speeding down the highway she pulls out a cigarette and I tell her "You can't smoke in the car. It's brand new." She laughs and lights the cigarette anyway. I say "No, seriously, it's a brand new Mercedes and if I don't even smoke in this car, you're not smoking in the car. Toss it out the window." She looks at me in shock and says "You're really serious!?!" We pull up to departures at LAX and I'm putting her bags on a trolly as quickly as humanly possible. As I go to get back in the car she grabs me and gives me a kiss and says "I had a really good time with you tonight. We should do this again sometime." I never returned another phone call from her again. In Thailand: I met this girl and we exchanged phone numbers. We spoke on the phone a few times and finally arranged to meet up. She said we could meet up at MBK and walk around for a bit and then go find something to eat. Sure. Sounds great. When we meet up, I notice that our walk around MBK isn't exactly random and she's particularly interested in visiting the mobile phone floor (3rd?). She looks over a few phones as she tells me she wants to get a new one. She finally picks one out and turns to me and says "You buy for me?" To be honest, even if the phone was 1500 baht I would have said no as we had only spent 20 minutes together at this point but this particular phone was something like 15,000 or 17,000 baht. I said "You want me to buy you a 1x,000 baht phone? Are you serious?" She starts batting her eyelashes and pulls out her clunker phone and says "Yes, because I need new one. This one broken." I wasn't wearing a watch but I looked down at my wrist as if I was and said "I just remembered, I have to be somewhere. I'll see you later," and walked off. I guess the funny part is she called me a month later and asked if I wanted to meet her at MBK so we could talk. :-)

I'd love to see this in more stairs.

what's your favourite or the funniest you have heard? first up; BEEJ; The preferred nomenclature for a blowjob. Consists of constant milking and gentle fondling of the "petershaft" itself, usually ending in ejaculation, the beej is synonymous with kryptonite in terms of superman's weakness.... but is effective for all males. "that dump gave me a nasty beej yesterday" "i love getting road beej'd" "give me a beej" or Beej 1) Another word for ***** 2) Jammy Bastard 3) Some Next man 1) That Beej came up to me and i was like what!? 2) OH my god u little Beejeator 3) Wasup beejes?

..I would like to invite everyone tell/share jokes here which you think it's funny.. Start with mine,forwarded email, which i found in my email inbox this morning .. "New Truck" One day, Jimmy Joe was walking down Main Street when he saw his buddy Bubba driving a brand new pickup. Bubba pulled up to him with a wide grin. "Bubba, where'd you get that truck?!?" "Bobby Sue gave it to me" Bubba replied. "She gave it to you? " I knew she was kinda sweet on ya, " but a new truck?" "Well, Jimmy Joe, let me tell you what happened. We were driving out on County Road 6, in the middle of nowhere. Bobby Sue pulled off the road, put the truck in 4-wheel drive, and headed into the woods. She parked the truck, got out, threw off all her clothes and said, "Bubba, take whatever you want." So I took the truck! "Bubba, you're a smart man! Them clothes woulda never fit you!"

"Sex-starved wife calls police for help Police in the German city of Aachen received an unusual call for help late Wednesday when a woman telephoned to complain her husband was not fulfilling his sexual obligations. After the couple had been sleeping in separate beds for several months without intimate contact, the 44-year-old woman woke the husband, 45, in the middle of the night and demanded he satisfy her needs, police spokesman Paul Kemen said Thursday. When her advances were refused, a row broke out and she called the police and asked them to intervene, he added" Now, I have heard of the headache excuse from a woman before, but an excuse from a man not wanting to have sex... What is the world coming to?

Think you've heard the worst or funniest pick up line ever? .... So hit lately .... I have some :!: - If I could rearrange the alphabet, I would put U and I together... :shock: - Is your dad a thief or something? Because someone stole the stars and put them into your eyes! :twisted: - Do you believe in love at first sight, or should I walk past you again?? - I'm a thief, and I'm here to steal your heart...YUKKK :shock: - Can I have directions to your heart? - I've heard sex is a killer, wanna die happy? ??? Kewl 8) Is that the get laid lines??? ...So funny....Okay now What's yours??.... :arrow:

I just want you to share (a) good story(ies) with us and especially any Thai ones. I have posted this before about Norwegians and Swedes so this is my contribution now. They are translated to English. But I promise they are better in our common similar languages (Swedish and Norwegian that are pretty similar) ------Norwegian stories from a Swedes perspective----- Why was not Jesus born in Norway? - Don?t know! They couldn?t find three vise men. What?s said on the signs in the Norwegian roundabouts? Max 8 turns! Do you know when Norwegians is standing still in an elevator? - No When the elevator have an electricity break down. A Norwegian teacher asked his student about the most common expression in the Norwegian language. - I don?t know, replied the student. - Correct answer replied the teacher. The Norwegian teacher asked his students if they know any of the generals? names in USA. - General Motors, answered one student. Three Norwegians was out walking when they saw a trace. - I think it?s from a hare one of them said. - No I think it?s from a moose said the second guy. Before the third had a chance to say anything the train runs them over. What?s written in the bottom of the Norwegian public pools? - I don?t know. No smoking. Two Norwegian was standing and looking at the moon. - So many people it must be living there one said. - Yes but it must be so crowded when its half moon the other replied. How do you make a Norwegian submarine sinking? Well you just dive down to it and knocking.